It seems eons ago, that time when I was convinced that the only true confirmation of my self-worth in the kitchen came in the form of a fist-bump from a very specific individual. And even farther back in time was the time when only the boys in blue could ease the very last dregs of high school loneliness still steeping in this heart.
Some second homes keep their place, others just… don’t. Some are only open to you at specific times through certain circumstances or certain people.
Doors open and doors close. Windows are nice; I like climbing through them, though that often means figuring out how to take down the screen first.
Random terrible memories come back at random times, and I am amazed at how much easier it is to forgive and forget as time passes. More often than not, the person I need to forgive, the one who darkens the memory, is myself. I’ve forgotten lots of good times, too, but fortunately they’re easier to reconstruct after a few minutes of very intense recall… or a little trip to the blog. Skipping to the conversations quickly has me choking back laughter in the middle of a silent stuck-with-extremely-bored-before-class-freshies situation.
I’m happy, now, that I have my blog.
I remember once, when I was just barely out of high school, I found myself perusing through the very first few months of my blog, and I remember how ashamed I was of my writing: the pointlessness of it, the complete lack of style, the childishness of the emotions the posts revealed, and how much time I apparently wasted in front of a screen.
Now, when I look back a year, two years, maybe even three, I’m proud to say that I have less to be ashamed of, and more that pleases me to have recorded.
The amount of love with which I have been showered in this past month has been overwhelming. And everything that I was worried about with coming home has been resolved. Everywhere I turn, God continues to confirm His beautiful plan and that He is in complete control, and that I need only trust and follow. My feet get tired and I get frustrated, but when I take the time to step back and look at the big picture, I cannot deny that life is beautiful.
TANGENT: I just learned that the lysozyme in our tears is anti-bacterial. So crying is cleansing on more than just a metaphorical level… COOL.
Fr. Geoff and Marv are going around and having lunch with college people again. UC’s lunch isn’t until February, and I have no idea what my schedule will be like next semester, so I jumped on the Cinci State lunch at Frisch’s today. Fr. Matt joined us, and Lizzie, as well as a new faculty member [as of last month] that attends the 8am Mass. Marv and I were the only ones that had dessert, and when it arrived, I offered Lizzie some of my pumpkin pie. Fr. Geoff made some comment about people sharing, which I at first thought was directed at me because I hadn’t offered any to anyone else; the comment was actually directed at Marv, who hadn’t offered to share with anyone =D Marv offered his maraschino cherry to whoever wanted it, but apparently only because he didn’t like maraschino cherries. And of course, typical Marv reached across the table and stole the last two bites of my pie while Lizzie and I were politely debating who should have the rest.
me: Whaaaat?! You- you did the exact same thing at Lizzie’s 21st birthday dinner!
Marv: What? I don’t-
me: You were sitting next to me and you stole the last two bites of my steak!
Lizzie: Yeah, he did! I remember!
Fr. Geoff: I think we’re starting to see a pattern here…
Guess who took Marv’s cherry as payback. Not that it was any sort of decent payback.
Lizzie had some time after lunch, and we went back to VPC to catch up a bit and watch some Captain America.
Last night, my product in Creating Foods tasted like twizzlers. I was consequently grumpy. But this morning, Seth and Tim were kind enough to make me laugh over the “very marketable product” that they have dubbed “twizzler scones.” That pretty much ensured my good mood for the rest of today =) It’s nice listening to Tim and Seth and Kim talking about their kids, especially Kim and Seth’s newborns.
I met my HomeLIFE community on the 23rd. It’s up to me to bring authentic femininity to the group =) My group is comprised entirely of boys, and my co-mentors are Mr. Philip and Mike. My instincts and previous experience lead me to suppose that this will be relatively easier, because [direct] female drama is entirely out of the picture. I’ve always had more patience for roughness, loudness, and hotheaded aggression as opposed to tears. I hope that makes a me a good fit for our group.
From HomeLIFE orientation on the 22nd, I went directly to MCI for work. After Pond Hill, it felt so strange walking into the baking lab to get a five-gallon-cambro’s-worth of bread flour; I stopped for a bit, marveling at that virtually limitless supply. I’ve forgotten how quickly that much legwork wears me out, though; that I definitely have not missed. I still know all the possible shortcuts like the back of my hand, but they don’t help as much as you’d think they would xP And I haven’t missed working with people I could care less to be working with. But hey, I received a bottle of Merlot as part of my compensation. That was a nice little surprise. Oh, and the two-man band that was there were freakin’ awesome guitarists; their delightful music made the whole night go faster, and included excellent covers of Collide and Drive. Cleanup goes so much faster when you can sing along under your breath.
Karen called me in between classes on the 21st; that I was not expecting, and it was lovely to hear from her. She got my letter and she’ll be writing back when she gets home from Chile.
Steffy and I had dinner at Mantra on the Hill on the 19th after my classes. We sat outside, and no leaves fell in our food =) It was so relieving to speak without reservation about anything and everything, just get everything out of my system, and know that Steffy would understand. Things seemed to take a while, but we had plenty to talk about, and the food was delicious. Jason came out to say hi and had us try his curry leaf ale.
The 16th was P&G’s Dividend Day. I’m closer now to how Mum and Dad are with those things, where my enjoyment is not so much in what I get to see and do, but rather in witnessing the wonder and excitement of the younger kids as they go around Kings Island and try new rides that they may not have been tall enough to try last year. It’s for the kids that we wait in line and endure the heat and the crowd, and it’s well worth seeing the smiles on their faces, most especially at Nino’s age. Paco got a great picture of Mother laughing and Nino clinging to her with a look of complete bewilderment on his face as the kiddie coaster rushed down a hill.
It was Peter’s last UC Choruses retreat, and I will be very, very sorry to see him go. He was one of the first people to go out of their way to make me feel welcome at last year’s retreat. He will be missed. I was considerably less sleep-deprived this year as opposed to last year.
Lizzie went wine tasting with me on the 13th. The theme was France, and the tasting included generous pours of four wines, a plated appetizer, a plated dessert, and a buffet with three options for entrees. Everything was delicious, but I didn’t get any sort of feeling that one side was built to really complement the other, and in that respect, it was rather disappointing. If a set wine tasting includes dinner, shouldn’t dinner and wine be paired well? Maybe our Pond Hill wine and farm to table dinners have spoiled me… Still, it was a good time, and Lizzie and I went to watch a bit of the marching band’s rehearsal after dinner.
Dates are now beginning to get fuzzy in my mind, but on some Tuesday of this month, I was able to spend a few hours with Marybeth. It was gorgeous outside, and we enjoyed our sandwiches and drinks from Whole Foods and dessert from Yagoot in the beautiful end-of-summer glory that bathed Rookwood. One topic of conversation was the sheltering and protecting of our mothers. This is the strange challenge which falls to us Catholic young ladies in the food industry. If you’re reading this, Marybeth, don’t worry, I talked to Mother about it sometime afterwards and she was a little sad, but not as upset as either of us supposed our mothers might be by such a revelation, and was overall appreciative of our efforts to shelter and protect.
Being back at the dinner table a few nights a week with my entire family has been awesome, and the best part of being back at home. Paco told this super hilarious story that had me and Mother clutching our sides and Daddy making my favorite face of his when he’s super amused but trying to hold back laughter. And then laughing. Basically, Paco’s a boss and had a crazy adventure at summer camp with some of our favorite family friends, and the main points of this adventure were:
- broken desks
- my little pony
- industrial dryers in the women’s bathroom
- perimeter to keep bedbugs out
- MOUNTAIN DEW
- bouncing off walls
- adventure vs. exhaustion
He needs to blog or vlog about it, because everybody needs a little more laughter in their life, and the combined gravity and hilarity of his experience is worth sharing with the world.
I want to remember this month, all the beauty and truth and goodness which the Lord has rained down on me through my friends and through my family.
mGbp forever and always.