This is the girl, the one who wrote the above, of whom they used to ask what she might be on, and that whatever it was, they would take two. “I’m high on life,” was my reply, and they used to tease, “Oh, so that’s what they’re calling it now?” When I read her words, it occurs to me that she’s strangely unfamiliar in some spots. And yet, I can sense her when I’m in certain places and with certain people.
She had that tendency, that desire, to capture and immortalize every good moment, either with words or pictures, and to share those words and pictures with the world. I still have that desire, but it isn’t merely a matter of ups and downs, of being in the mood or out of it; less and less do I make the time for it, and while her words, which seem so trivial, make me laugh at myself, it occurs to me that it is better to be laughing over what I did do, than regret what I didn’t do. Too often these days do I kick myself for not writing about the other day, or the other week, until it becomes last month, or perhaps even last year.
I think I will add to my Lenten resolutions this year… that while maintaining what should truly be prioritized – the family, the Church, homework, etc. – I will try to get back into that habit of immortalizing the moments that make me and others smile, no matter how small or silly they seem.
With this in mind, and roughly 20 minutes before I need to head to work, I am again emptying my drafts folder:
Miles Christi Sum
Mother Church and the Life She stands for continues to be more and more openly persecuted with each passing day… It is war! and because we are the HEART of the Church, because we are not the future but the PRESENT, we are Her front lines! Brothers and Sisters in Christ, pray for each other… I offer this prayer especially for America and for the homeland, mabuhay! … and for the grace to receive and accept the crown of martyrdom if it is His will, be it red, white, or green. Why do so many reject Who they by nature desire with every particle of their being? This war is for Love… why are we not all on the same side?
Why I never finished this post is a mystery to me; I do not recall what prompted it, but I hope that I left it because there were truly more important things to be doing.
Random thoughts/happenings today…
- Yena’s so big. She’s really one of the most thoughtful little ladies ever. Her lovely little presents are so creative, and she puts so much time and the best of her skills into them.
- Paco and I were jamming the other day, that was nice. It’s really strange to think that Paco will be fifteen soon.
Clearly this post was from the day of my 20th birthday. I hope I stopped writing to go and spend it more fully with my family.
it’s gotta be more like falling in love / than something to believe in / more like losing my heart / than pledging my allegiance
It was nice to get back to Mass at St. Max yesterday. I only missed two Sundays – St. Louis and sick – but goodness, it feels like forever. J showed Jacob and myself all the Christmas cards that had come to the Music Ministry from the first graders. They were adorable!!! One read, “Dear people who live in the church…” Another, “Your music makes my ears feel fresh.” I wonder what ‘fresh’ means to a first grader =) because I don’t seem to recall… Oh, oh, I loved the one that said, “You do a great job. Do it agegain!” Cute, cute. Another mutilated “appreciate,” it was so sweet. Lots drew pictures and such. I didn’t have time to look through all of them before Mass started – there had to be at least 25 or so – we’ll see if I have more to blog about next week.
When Paco and I got home last night, Nino started yelling, “WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID YOU DO?!” and I’m just like, “…” Nino’s vocabulary went from about ten-ish words to around a hundred just while we were in St. Louis. It’s great. On weekends and days when I don’t have school, he comes into my room (yes, he opens doors now) and yells, “WAYT UP ATI!” It’s very strange; he pronounces tagalog words in a very americanized way… like “ati” instead of short e at the end, and “banyo” with a lengthy short a and a long o. Hilarious. I come home from school and he runs to me and throws his little self around my legs and yells, “ATI HOME!” or, you know, when he’s preoccupied with something else, it’s just, “Hewhoa!” (hello).
So. Where were Paco and I last night, you may very well ask. Wellll….
St. Max had a vocations panel, and I saw that Mother Seraphina and the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia would be there. Funny to note – I came downstairs for dinner and Paco asks, “Are you serious??” of no one in particular. It was entirely goodnatured, you understand. It turns out we were both wearing our shirts from the last CREDO. LOL. It just seemed too convenient to have a sort of, “Hi Father/Sister/Mother, you signed my shirt in September!” conversation starter thing… which, as it turned out was rather unnecessary, but hey. Take it as we were very excited and eager to speak to the panel. Four testimonies were given, then we split up into Sisters and Brothers. (On a side note, still that habit; I just can’t seem to say guys and girls, it doesn’t sound right.)
I don’t actually have much to say about last night. It was enlightening and enjoyable and all that, but I wanted to blog more about where my mind is now… I just spent the last forty-five-ish minutes in good conversation with Dad about it.
It was strange hearing the panel talk about their discernment taking place during so-and-so a time.. because a lot of them were saying things like, “October of my sophomore year of college…” etc. etc. And I remember hearing things like this when I was Yena’s age and thinking, That’s someday, I have to think about those things someday. But now I’m here, a sophomore in college, and I need to be thinking about these things now, and I have the capacity to make these decisions. It’s almost surreal sometimes.
Of course I’ve completely forgotten if I’ve blogged about this before, so forgive me if I have, but it’s necessary for this post: I’m relieved to have everything finally sort of firming up. By junior year high school, I had a pretty set plan for th following seven years of my life. That plan has changed somewhat, but they’ve been very minor changes, and I’m pretty much living what I expected to be living at this point. I’m all set to finish up here in a couple more terms, transfer to UC for another 2.5 years, and then head to Steubie and Rome. My plans were that if I already had a family, I’d put off the required semester on campus or in Rome till nearer the end of the theology stuffs, and if I didn’t, I’d make it the first semester, and probably try to spend as much of the two years as possible either on campus or in Rome. But then enter the whole Dominican Sisters revalation.
It was almost three years ago that I went to CREDO for the first time and heard Michael Walsh tell the story of how, two months before his wedding, he told Amy that he thought he was being called to the priesthood. Of course they’re happily married now, and I would never have dreamed at the time that God would bless us with their friendship, but I remember, three years ago, acknowledging Michael’s point that you have to give God His chance.
Part of being homeschooled was reading lots and lots of ‘Saint books,’ thus my exposure to the various orders and just the general idea of a religious life began at a very early age. I remember reading about St. Therese and the Carmel, St. Catherine Laboure whom I chose as my Confirmation saint, and so on. When I heard Michael’s talk, I promised God that I would do just that – give Him His chance. That I would make a point of setting aside some time to go to a convent to discern. About a year later, I had a conversation with Mom that I do know I blogged about, search “convent” and read away if you like…
Three years ago, I had no idea where I might end up, I only knew I had to go. The Dominican Sisters are with us every CREDO, but it wasn’t until this past September that I actually talked to them. And when I did talk to them, I remember thinking, “If God’s calling me anywhere, it’s there.” It was a relief to know, and I asked my YFL/SFL Sisters to pray for me and to hold me accountable. I knew that if I kept it to myself, I would be very easily tempted to push the plan aside once I lost the high of CREDO.
Those Christmas cards were not from this past Christmas, but from the Christmas of 2010. I didn’t make it to CREDO this past year due to work.
~ note ~
Considering that the first week of this term was INFORMATION OVERLOAD GALORE (and I know my fellow Sommelier-prep-course-mates can attest to that) to an extent that I have never experienced before… !!! … I believe it is worth noting that, contrary to all expectations, nothing has become dragging in the least; in fact, this second week has gone by even faster than the first. YIKES. This term will be over before I know it and I highly doubt that I will get tired of it before it ends and THAT is a depressing thought =D =D =D
From the first week of the term that I took 22 credits and got a perfect 4.0 for the first time =)
Oh, the inevitable...
I’m currently reading through my ‘college life’ category, just to see what I’ve forgotten about the past two years…
- I do NOT remember talking about bloody movies in Eng Comp 1.
- Ahahahaha. I’d forgotten that I blogged about Aaron’s being so annoying. Well, as he said just a week and a half ago, it’s now a thing of the past and needn’t be dwelt on.
- I’d forgotten how hyper I used to get during midterm week. Where did my midterm-week-hyper-ness go, I wonder??
- Heyyyy! Star Trek Year of Hell!!! I think I need to watch that again…
- Who are Jeff and Zak??? Apparently I was talking to Alyssa and found out that she knew them… I think I know who I meant by “Jeff,” but Zak?? Not ringing a bell… at all….
- YOUCAM IN ENGLISH COMP 1!!! Oh my gosh, one of the best days EVAR. So long ago…
- Oh haha, apparently I blogged about Chef Neace yelling to/at me in the hall, but I didn’t know his name at the time.
- I miss Chef Valento!!!! but I’m only a few weeks away from supposedly being eligible to have my friend request confirmed. When I was in Cooking 1, Chef told me and Kuya Steve that he didn’t accept friend requests from students, but that he would be happy to do so once we had graduated. I wonder if he’s done it for Kuya…
- Wow… that Jeremy dude that was patting Anthony on the head… thank God he didn’t become a permanent fixture of my college life…
- “Love me, my brothers, for I am infinitely superfluous, and your love shall be like His, born neither of your need nor my deserving, but a plain bounty. Blessed be He!” That part just gives me the shivers… born neither of your need nor my deserving.
- It would seem that since things have been settled with UC, I have conveniently forgotten that there was ever a time when it seemed that UC would not honor my status as a dual admit. How far we’ve all come together since then… and now, it’s almost here, and we’re down to, what, five? four? people.
- something about nostalgia and kenny loggins and have yourself a merry little christmas and heartbreak warfare… I completely forget my train of thought with that one.
- GOOGLING CAPTIONED CATS!!! … yeah…
- “Apparently I get a look on my face when talking about weapons and things to do with them that is “disturbing,” and my preferring to wait for [certain] other people to eat before eating myself is “endearing,” but makes me “such a dork.” They also tell me that I say “sorry” far too often, that it’s not good for my psychological health, and that I really need to work on my self-confidence (which makes me laugh inside =).”
- oh the wedding cake(s) fiasco. ’nuff said
I guess I was taking a trip down the memory lane shortly after graduating…
Conference and ToT Notes
I’ve got this special little purse =) It’s my name-tag from Conference, and it’s just the most convenient little bag; I’ve got a little moleskin inside, a pencil, a rosary, my Conference YFL band, the pearl Ate Kai gave me, and a pink God Made Me Special bracelet from I’m not sure where. When Theology on Tap was held at Rafferty’s last year, I made this my official ToT bag. I pulled out the notebook this past Thursday for the first time since ToT in the Fall. I’d forgotten a lot of the notes I’d made… so I’m blogging about them, and maybe they’ll stick a little better for the repetition.
P raying for each other
E njoying each other
R elating to each other
L oving each other
That was from the exchange of pearls, and then I took down the lyrics to A Sister’s Prayer. I listed Sessions 1, 2, and 3, which were The Almighty, Righteousness, and Redemptive Suffering. I then began a new page of notes on the Apologetics Workshop I attended. Something about attacking the opposition’s assumptions, investigating their claims as much as possible, being always cheerful and willing and smiling, always being sensitive to the intended message, praising God at all times, and enduring all things. I also made a note on Mass mirroring the book of Revelation (I guess I meant to read it as soon as I got home, but I didn’t — better do that soon!), something on St. Justin Martyr (guess I meant to look him up, too…) and how worship is a battle for salvation.
From my first Theology on Tap session after getting home from Conference:
A disciple is someone who wants what they learn to completely transform their life…
Gospel of Mark – clueless!
Going out and doing is nice, but reflection is MAJOR!
Salvation is free! but discipleship is costly.
Not necessarily to renounce, but to be willing.
Clearly, I meant to re-read the Gospel of Mark. As to the last note, that was in reference to the call to leave everything behind and follow God. The speaker noted that we are called to serve God in our interactions with others, so in most people’s cases, this did not necessarily mean literally dropping everything, so much as being willing to do so if called.
From the following session:
Mind, Bind, Rewind!
192 five minute increments in a 16 hour day
Mind = organ
Mind = OBEY
sunflowers are heliotropic
Wizard of Oz, theological
Dorothy trying to get home but trying to get away, too!
Heaven is Here.
eternal *does not equal* forever
eternal = outside time
no relationship will survive without forgiveness
excusing *does not equal* forgiveness
forgiveness is letting go even when you don’t understand. excuse is when you think you’ve got it down.
it is possible to forgive and not be able to reconcile
anger is not hatred
anger = present
hatred = future
bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die
humans bind through healing
memory is our identity – we are who we are because of what we remember
remember that God is not so far away, that he is as close as your own breath – Deuteronomy
Phew. Lots of notes on that session. Makes sense, considering the time frame, though. I cannot remember exactly what the whole “mind, bind, rewind,” thing was about
I really miss ToT. I hope I can get back to them someday.
Taking some time to catch up on Google Reader…
BRAIN DUMP: Being Fed
Accidentally discovering the Tuesday Scripture Studies was one of the greatest blessings of this summer. We cover the upcoming Sunday’s readings, and not that it was particularly difficult to pay attention to the readings before, but I’ve definitely been able to focus much better during Mass. I love telling Mother everything I learned about as soon as I get home. Today, we were revisiting Mt 16:18 and 18:17, and then Mother asked me if it was better than YFL.
It’s been a little over two years since I officially left the Cinci YFL; two years since I told Kim, the YFC can’t help me spiritually anymore. even if i could do some good serving, i wouldn’t be getting anything out of it. i stayed in YFC for as long as it was spiritually nourishing me. The point is that at Scripture Study, I’m being fed. But even Scripture Study doesn’t have the dynamic that is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, strengths of the FFL, and that is the dynamic of the family.
A little later, Mother asked if I was fed more at CREDO or Conference. I had to say Conference, for the same reason. The strengths of CREDO and the Tuesday Scripture Studies are very concentrated. At CREDO, our focus is the Eucharist; at Scripture Study, we obviously the Bible, the Catechism, Tradition, and general Apologetics. At both, we talk about living the Faith, and taking what we’ve learned and applying it to our everyday lives. All of this is extremely important, but CREDO only happens once a year, and even weekly Scripture Study hasn’t given me the equivalent of the Upper Household, very obviously because of my odd situated-in-between-the-hosts-and-the-participants age.
for when i’m a mommy
A real woman always keeps her house clean and organized, the laundry basket’s always empty. She’s always well dressed, hair done. She never swears, behaves gracefully in all situations and all circumstances. She has more than enough patience to take care of her family, always has a smile on her lips, and a kind word for everyone. Post this as your status if you, too, suspect that you might be a man. LOL