Days 37, 38, and 39

WIN. I used the word ‘volition’ yesterday and was asked to define.

There really isn’t a whole lot to say about these past three days.

Jason’s in the process of moving and said he had a story to share; apparently, he called Time Warner to let them know he was moving and so on, and all they kept on saying was, “I’m sorry.” The point of telling me this story ways, “It’s the perfect job for you! You’re always saying sorry. You could work for TW and say sorry all the time!” Brilliant. (<— extreme sarcasm)

As anticipated, this week has presented just as many difficulties as last week, but this past Wednesday was considerably better in terms of overall mood. Not because there was much talk or laughter, but better in that everyone was being incredibly mild. It was a talk softly and only when necessary day. It never hurts to have those sorts of days once in a while; it was rather refreshing. I did get around to singing quietly, but only once everyone else was prepping upstairs and I was alone and [hopefully] not annoying anyone.

Thursday was harried, as expected, but due to a new person training, was both a little less so in some ways and a little more so in others. A little less so, because things could be delegated, and a little more so in another, completely unexpected way – I felt more than a little useless. (Ahaha… Relient K’s More Than Useless is now playing in my head =) It’s a very good thing that she’s independent and assertive and perfectly willing, and in fact, somewhat insistent on doing everything herself. A ticket would come in and she would immediately volunteer that she ‘had it.’ I think that part’s great. On the other hand, it took about an hour for service to actually build up, she was taking care of the few desserts trickling in, and I went down and told Jason I just felt completely useless. “You don’t really need two people on pastry.” “I know.” “Hey, it could be worse!” “I suppose.” “Yeah, it could be me over there.” “Whaaat?? You know that would be the best thing ever!” and up I go, laughing again.

But then it’s like passing through an invisible door as I duck my head halfway up the first flight. Earlier, when Sam hadn’t shown up yet, and the team was divided into Jared and Ricky Bobby prepping upstairs and Jason and I prepping downstairs, the two floors felt like two worlds. I’d go upstairs and feel like tiptoeing. The first time it happened, I came back down and asked aloud of no one in particular, “Are they playing Quaker meeting upstairs?” and then fell back into whatever the conversation with Jason had been originally before I went up. I’ll be walking away, laughing, but the split second my foot hits the third step of the first flight, the laugh dies and the smile drops from my face, and I walk through the kitchen with my head down, as sober as if I’d been sober all along. It’s not a mask; it feels perfectly natural to be smiling downstairs and sober upstairs. Unfortunately, it’s the tiniest bit depressing.

And then there’s this cross-training thing. It’s probably that I’m just plain shy, which does happen more often than most of my friends believe, but I hesitate to run over and offer help because I’m afraid I’ll just be in the way. This school-to-work thing hasn’t been helping my nerves, but today – today is a just-work day. And therefore it’s a good day to firmly resolve to snap out of it. Plus it’s a Saturday, so there ought to be plenty of opportunities.

Well, I’m off in an hour, so I shall go clean out the car, shower, have an early lunch, spend some time with the family, clean my room, maybe make a couple calls… no, there’s no way I’m doing all that in one hour. Never mind.

Here goes day 40.


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