ngawit

It’s a term in tagalog which bansa.org defines rather well: adj. A numb like feeling often caused from fatigue, tension, or holding your body in a certain position for a long time.

I always heard this term in relation to arms; that is, when any of us kids are hugging Mommy on the bed and the circulation in Mother’s arm has been cut off due to the weight of our head and sometimes our shoulders, Mother has only to say she’s ngawit and we understand that Mommy’s arm needs a rest from hugging us big heavy kiddies =)

But sometimes one can’t simply move or ask the child to move, as I find myself now with this baby sleeping on my shoulder as I type with one hand and frankly my left arm’s been ngawit for at least ten minutes now.

It’s been some months since this boy asked or at least consented to be danced and sung to sleep, and he’s gotten pretty heavy since. And to put things into even broader perspective, it’s been at least seven years since I held a sleeping child of this weight for this long. But it’s not something you lose, you know?

August and Nashville come closer and closer. Please pray for me. As I sit here with the weight of this adorable miracle on me, it occurs to me that I cannot imagine a life without this precious burden. Yet I wish to remain at peace in the conviction that if His will for me is not for moments – or hours – like these, that I will be blessed with burdens equally as fulfilling and heartbreaking in their beauty and wonder.

break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything i am for Your kingdom’s cause as I walk from earth into eternity


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