More Rugs.

More rugs being pulled, I mean.

I was expecting it, anyway. It was already going in that direction from a will-I-be-allowed-to-choose-this-path standpoint. So I suppose I am not as cut up about it as I might have been if I hadn’t already caught on that vibe.

The Disney Co-op for Culinary students is a little — well, more than a little — different from how it is for everybody else, and that includes dates. Dates for Culinary this coming year are April 20 to July 2, April 20 to September 10, July 6 to September 17, and July 6 to November 26.

The SFL/YFL Conference in Santa Clara being first priority, the latter three are out. And as to leaving next month, a month after I turn nineteen, there are more than a few things holding me back. One would be Nino. I’m not prepared to leave him at fifteen months. Another would be the fact that it starts one week into the Spring term and ends one week into the Summer term, making it pointless for me to take classes in either, and putting me back six months even though I’ll only be gone for two-and-a-half. Thirdly, it won’t be an Honors Co-op because I’ll still be a freshie. And the list goes on… and on… and on.

I’m attempting to look at the bright side of things and think of all the things that I won’t miss as a result of not going. Perhaps that wouldn’t be so hard if the UC issue hadn’t come up just two days ago. Absolutely ridiculous…

But here.

I won’t miss… Mariel’s 17th, Jon’s 17th, Candisse’s 14th, Gabe’s 19th, Papa’s birthday, Migi’s 12th, Daddy’s birthday, Mom and Dad’s anniversary, Yena’s 9th, Mama’s birthday, Nino’s 2nd, and Mother’s birthday. I won’t miss… Nate coming home at the only time during the year that he will come home if he comes home at all. I’ll probably still be missing out on the Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties, as usual, so whatever. But then I suppose I won’t miss the Honors ‘parties’ and stuff, so I suppose that would compensate on some level for not even being in Florida to miss the others. And then of course I’ll have more chances to watch Mariel instead of having to wait for her to come to Disney and having to make sure to not miss the one chance that I’ll have. And then there’s the fact that everyone taking off for the summer will be back and I won’t be missing out on them being back… Paul and Bender and Adam and Jeff and Joe.

I actually had a bunch of nice things to blog about today, but I don’t really feel like it right now… I’ll get around to it sometime later in the week, I suppose.

I’m off to indulge in a pity-me cup, aka sleep-and-dream… lol.

i can’t explain, i need to be alone, i know the timing isn’t great, some things you just can’t plan, i just need a little time so i can find myself again, i had a pocket full of dreams, but i gave them all to you, now i think i want them back, so can you tell me if i’m crazy or confused


– ais


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