I’ve been focusing on cleaning my room today. I’ve been sorting through old papers and stuff that’s been sitting around for forever.
Today’s been kind of a giving-up-and-letting-go day. Rather miserable on the whole, really. But also with a quiet sort of triumph. I shredded half of the letters/cards in my drawer… things that I’d hoarded since preschool, you know those valentines? Yep. I still had a bunch from preschool. Haha. I even got rid of all the birthday cards from people like my old Keystone teammates that I’m just not in touch with anymore… It felt weird. And I also got rid of letters from people that I’d actually corresponded with for some months before it just… fizzled out.
Oh, and guess what’s on top of the donate pile? My Keystone team leo. I’ve kept that thing hanging in a place of honor on my wall for the past four years, and… I just figure, what the heck. It signifies all the resentment, all the regret that I’ve held on to for ages and ages and ages. Do I even smile when I see it? No, I just clench my teeth and wonder why I had to fail. Why do I want that thing hanging on my wall? Maybe it’s a good reminder of a just humiliation, but I can’t bring myself to automatically focus on that better-myself aspect of it. My initial thoughts are still of hurt.
Eh, so, the point is, that’s in the donate pile, and I’m hoping keeping the ribbons won’t mean nearly so much. I rarely look at them anyway… it’s my weapons that dominate the display xD so, *happy happy* I guess, for the most part…
Well… back to sorting papers.