The Call

I was talking to Mum after Prince Caspian, and I told her that I really loved that song because I could relate to it. She asked me to explain how, because she didn’t understand just by listening to it. Anyway, I thought I’d blog about it… because it was a good reflection for me, as well. Obviously, I’m not caring very much about grammar, punctuation, etc. This would be along the lines of a Brain Dump post, ‘cept this would be the rare occasion where I shan’t bother with a password.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
But then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I’ll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean that it’s never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow its light
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye
Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it, too,
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they’re before your eyes
You’ll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You’ll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye

Where to begin… at the beginning, I suppose.

“It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word, but then that word grew louder and louder till it was a battle cry…” A very accurate description of my tang soo journey. And not just the yell; it’s more than that — it isn’t all about kicking and punching and then yelling… it becomes a part of you. It has to be more than the physical, it has to be your entire being wrapped up in that one action. You have to grow into it. Even just in life itself… you have to live it. Really, it’s very easy not to. It’s easy to go through the motions and not care. It’s so easy to be apathetic!!! but you have to grow into it. For a life to be an authentic one, you have to be consciously living every moment.

“Just because everything’s changing doesn’t mean that it’s never been this way before.” Every time I move, it’s a totally new arena. And yet… it’s all the same. No, not deja vu, but you’re starting all over again, and yet, you’re going through the same motions all over again. Moving to PA from OH was different than moving from OH to PA, but it was the same. I knew it was the same. I knew I was going through the whole thing all over again. And yet not. I think anyone who’s moved at least 4 times ought to be able to understand me as long as they were old enough to remember.

“All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war.” Maybe that’s what I’m getting at. No matter where you are, it’s the same battle. It’s the same emotional and spiritual battle over and over again. And all you can do is try to know who your friends are. Not necessarily people, but also things, circumstances.. you have to be aware of who and what is friend or foe. Familiar situations, familiar temptations, familiar happiness, familiar personalities… I learn to look for them, I learn to keep an eye out for them, I learn to reach out with my thoughts and listen as much as I look…

“You’ll come back when it’s over, no need to say goodbye.” We don’t belong here. This isn’t our home. We’re aliens. Our home is in heaven. And hopefully, we’ll make it back at the end of the war.

“Now we’re back at the beginning. It’s just a feeling and no one knows, yet, but just because they can’t feel it, too, doesn’t mean that you have to forget.” Going back to the whole moving thing. Every move, I have to start over. But I’ve become aware that I can find the same feeling… and not even a feeling, it goes much deeper than that, but… I know I can find that same.. thing… in different places. Like, for example, when I’m at testing, and I’m giving my all, and I just get totally lost in my form, and I let the muscle memory take over and I bury myself in the flow of the actions, I get the exact same… feeling… as when I’m in the middle of a Praisefest and just letting myself go completely. And just because not everyone around me can feel it with me doesn’t mean that I have to forget what I felt. We’re all at different stages on our life journey; I can’t go getting frustrated just because we’re not all at the same level. I have to remember that I’m growing, too.

“Let your memories grow stronger and stronger till they’re before your eyes.” It’s so easy for me to do that. I can sit there and see things in front of me. Someone will say something or I’ll hear a song, We’re In Heaven for example, and I can see something that, in my mind, is attached to that word or that phrase or that song, like Sean and Cristhian and Sa Bom Nim dancing [rotflmao].

Anyway, I just feel like this song is calling out to me, calling out to different points in my life, taking me back and also bringing me forward, giving me hope for the future by reminding me of the beauty of my past. It’s… ineffable, what this song means to me. I guess this is one of those flat-ending posts that haven’t really done anyone but me any good :) Oh well.

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