break my heart for what breaks Yours

The testimonies at the I Have A Say blog are amazing. Here are just a few lines that caught my eye and that keep calling out to me. These are the men and women in whose company it is and will always be an honor to live and fight and build up the world alongside. Because we will!!! The followers of this culture of death will go on being self-centered, essentially contracepting themselves to death, not because we will stop trying to reach them, or stop trying to help them, or stop trying to love them, or stop trying to be heard above their inane and empty chatter, but because there are many among them who simply refuse to be reached. Yet, when they are gone, we are the ones who will continue to live full lives, open to life, joyfully bringing new voices into the world whom we will raise to continue in that glorious tradition which is the Faith.

… I guess you could say I have a heart for the heartless, and a love for the unlovable…

… “Never forget Satan wants your children dead in a garbage can!” And fifty million unborn American children to date, that we know of, are dead in the landscape of a satanic dump yet their most precious of souls are carved in the Palm of Crucified Christ. The slaughter of holy innocents has become the foundation of the demise of civilization, rapidly deteriorating, on the altar of satanic sacrifice. Cecile Richards is a voice and advocate for the devil’s agenda. She does not represent or speak for the interest of women, but destroys their vocation and identity through her profession…

… I have a say, and I have children who will one day have a say. As youths, their testimony lies in being…

… My life has been full and fulfilling. I tell you these things, not to brag about my credentials, but to enforce the point that your life is never over – no matter what cards you are dealt…

… I have done the college thing. I have done the activism thing. I have done the career thing. I am not sheltered. I am not oppressed. I am no shrinking violet. I will not be sterilized. I will not be silenced. I am fully human. I am a wife and a mother. I am a woman. I am Catholic. I am a soldier of Christ in the Church Militant and I am a force to be reckoned with…

… I was completely unprepared for that doctor’s visit. He chastised me for being irresponsible. He threw a pen across the room in disgust, slammed down my chart, and told me that if I didn’t abort the pregnancy I would lose the baby anyway… For good measure, he added in that if that wasn’t enough, the medications I had been taking would probably cause the baby to be deformed. (Oh, dear, he believed imperfect children should never be born.. how shocking! ) I fired that doctor on the spot… How could anyone be so heartless? …

… Having many siblings benefits children in many ways- they learn to share, they learn compassion, they learn to be unselfish and to work in a team for the good of others. In fact, large families are an antidote to selfishness, as their members learn to give and accept respect in so many intimate ways. This naturally spills out into society and makes it better. In a large family, no one gets the constant limelight so children learn to support others’ gifts and talents, and know when the time comes for their personal victories they have an audience of support and love for them…

… So many married women reject motherhood for a career, or willingly leave their children to find “fulfillment, excitement, money and power” in the workplace, but the real fulfillment comes from forming a human person- day to day formation of and sacrifice for another living human being- and not just any- your child…

… The reward is not money- it is something greater that you can take with you to heaven- your children and relationship with them…

… I have a say. What do those words even mean? They mean that I, a young Catholic woman, have the right and the ability to be a significant factor in my country. I can say what I wish, and I possess the right as a human being to have my voice heard among millions of my fellow citizens. Cecile, I have a say – and I say that you do not rule my thoughts and words. I will have my say. I have been given life – I did not gain it myself. It was a gift from two loving, generous, self-sacrificing parents. I was given my life in love, and I believe I have the duty to help those who are being denied my gift…

… I stand for life, for all the lives that have been abruptly ended by sterile knives, for all those infants who face a death worse than any we can. At least we will die having lived. They must die in ignorance of why their lives are ending; no knowledge of the sun and sky, no friends, alone in the dark. They are silent. In my own small way I speak for them…

… I state again that I’m not Catholic but in this fight, we are all Catholics now! …

… Ironically, having my child has made the punishment for the choices I have made even worse. Though I have experienced boundless joy in sharing in the life of the precious creation that is my lovely daughter, I am also painfully and acutely aware at what I have destroyed. I loved my daughter from the moment I knew she existed, though I threw other children out like meaningless garbage because they didn’t fit into the life I was living. To have a child after you have aborted makes it so painfully clear… you cannot love one tiny embryo the instant that you discover it exists, yet declare the other to be a non-human mass of cells that can be discarded and forgotten…

… I speak on behalf of my half sibling and the rest of the unborn who weren’t given the chance that I was and I’m not going anywhere…

I Have A Say

You females talk about equal rights, but it’s not what you actually want.

Men are ordained the role of pastors, providers, and protectors. Equal rights? You aren’t wanting those responsibilities. You’re wanting to be freed of responsibility, of accountability for your actions, of “consequences.”

Why aren’t men after “equal rights for men”?

And you say - but they’re already shirking their duty. They aren’t being pastors, providers, or protectors. They aren’t taking those responsibilities, they’re not being accountable, they don’t have consequences.

And you’re surprised?

Boys will be boys, you say. But I say - men will be men, when women hold them to the right standards. And girls will be girls, but women will be women when men hold them to the right standards.

But look – here you are, advocating contraception and abortion. What are you advertising yourself as by freeing yourself of responsibility? If there are no consequences for you, what consequences are there for him?

Congratulations – you’ve just advertised yourself as a toy. And if you are making yourself accessible to him as a toy, you are letting him be a boy. And if you’re letting him – essentially giving him permission – to be a boy, what incentive does he have to try and be more? What incentive does he have to expect more of you? What incentive does he have to respect you as a woman when you have clearly shown him that you do not expect him to be a man?

Pregnancy is not a punishment, and by your very nature the denial of life should give you pain. These are your strengths! These are what give you value! He should value your ability to give to the world another Mozart, another Einstein, another Mother Teresa, another voice who has a right to be heard.

I refuse to be turned into a toy. I refuse to be accessible for use without consequences. Without thought to not only my physical health, but my mental and emotional health as well.

I choose to be a woman. A woman with a heart that can be broken. A woman with a heart waiting for the man who will cherish that heart and all that comes with it. A woman with the ability to bring into being through her heart another life, another soul, another voice, another being for whom you do not speak, and who I will never allow you to silence.

I choose to be a woman, and I have a say.

It’s the deep breath before the plunge.

The good news! is that I finally called the Vocations Director for the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville. The… not so exciting news is that it was the answering machine. Hahahahaha. So I left a message and all that and I’m waiting for a call back and all that jazz.

I remember when I got back from CREDO this past September and being on that high, knowing that I needed to make this phone call, knowing I’d have to wait until I knew my schedule more definitely, and knowing that in the time that would transpire between then and now I would be tempted to not make that call after all. So I asked nine Sisters and a Brother to pray for me and my intentions and to and hold me accountable. They have done so, most lovingly, and through their prayers and encouragement over the past nine months, I have persevered (although if we are to be perfectly honest, I could have made this phone call as early as nine days ago, so I did procrastinate a little… =) Still. He is so good! He gives us just who we need to keep Him in sight…

An update in another post, I think, when I have received an answer to my call and have more concrete plans.

~ mGbp ~

ToT, Lunch Collab, Covers, and LOLfest afterthoughts…

I suppose it would help if I went in the order suggested by the title. Or not. xP

Yum yum yum, we kiddies should cook lunch together more often =) I broke down the two chickens, which was good practice… and I discovered that my airline breasts leave a little to be desired, so the plan is to have chicken every Thursday between now and exam week. *sigh* Fortunately that was all that didn’t seem to go as nicely as I would have liked.

Migi and Yena peeled (fifteen!) potatoes between them, and Migi opened the can of tomatoes =) Paco minced five cloves of garlic (with the cleaver), chopped two onions (with the chef’s knife), chopped all fifteen potatoes (with I’m not sure what), and sliced two red bell peppers, about which I have stories.

There were two knives in my new set that I could not foresee myself using for anything at school, so I left them out of my bag and added them to the home collection. I invited Paco to use them on the peppers, cautioning him with my story of how I cut myself with them on the very first day that I brought them to school… after having made it through seven terms of cutting myself on everything else but my [Mercer] knives. Oh, to have gotten a picture of the look on Paco’s face. He was thrilled at how sharp the Saber knives were. He even asked me if he could have the set when I got married or entered the convent or whatever is going to happen to me. (Absolutely not.)

Lifehouse’s self-titled album has met its match in my eyes, and that would be Mat Kearney’s City of Black and White. Aside from being addictive (both of them), I can listen to the whole album without skipping tracks and wanting to cover every single one. Unfortunately, percussion is what makes most of Lifehouse… but attempting acoustic covers of City of Black and White and Annie didn’t seem to go too badly. At any rate, they made it onto youtube.

Yesss, Theology on Tap is back =) Actually, it started three weeks ago, but I only found out last Wednesday and couldn’t make time for Thursday’s session on such short notice. So here I am, playing catch-up on the third week. Oh well! Yesterday’s session was on Cardinal Newman, and I was most kindly accompanied by Anna Marie and Aaron, for which I was extremely grateful.

There are no words to do yesterday justice. Unlike at last fall’s series held at Rafferty’s, there was not a section closed off for ToT; rather, ToT was the main body and they had a section marked for regular customers which was not immediately noticeable upon walking in. So cool!

Fr. Ted Ross is hilarious! and his humor can be dry at times, which means, of course, that it comes up when you least expect it. I wish he’d give a talk at CREDO! but of course he’s needed more at the seminary, so. Still, I do hope we’ll run into him again sometime. I could listen to him for twice as long as we did.

When Miss Martha watched the LOLfest video, she commented that they (the guests) seemed to just fit in with my family. I remembered feeling that way when I was putting the video together and I came across that clip where she picks Nino up and sets him on her lap. It makes me so happy to have friends like Martha and Brad and Josh, that can just come over and play with the kids and talk to Mom and Dad like they’ve been used to my family forever…

I was chatting with Michelle the other day… more like whining detestably to her… about what an unwelcome adjustment I’ll be subjected to in three weeks’ time. I’m so terribly dependent on Martha and Brad’s company; I’m still not used to not seeing them every single day, though it’s been a term or two since that was the case, and I still seek out their company before anyone else’s, except perhaps Steffy and Stevo when they’re around. I know, I know, I’m overthinking it. And I’ll make new friends and have just as much fun as before, I suppose. Perhaps what I object to most is the inevitable abruptness of it all. Three more weeks and it will just… happen…

An Open Letter to Risa Hontiveros

The Pastoral Letter can be found here.

Risa Hontiveros’ letter can be found here.

Madame,

You begin with a reference to the numerous points in the  Bishops’ letter and the claim, “Most of them are old points that have been raised and clarified repeatedly in so many debates and too few dialogues in the past decade, though it drives me almost to tears that it seems the good Bishops have not been listening intently or understanding with empathy.” Madame, the Bishops do indeed, throughout the course of their entire letter, address points that have been raised and clarified repeatedly, not merely in the past decade, but for as many centuries as Mother Church has stood, her leaders – their authority passed down in a direct line from Christ and the Twelve Apostles – protected by the Spirit with regards to the dogma of our faith, having not once, ever, in all these centuries, wavered in its defense of the dignity of human life. It is a miracle, a witness, and a gift of Love Himself, that these good Bishops and all who have come before them, have not tired and given up on humanity with its seeming determination to undermine and ultimately destroy this innate dignity given to us by our Creator.

I speak to you, woman to woman, with the respect that you choose to believe you do not receive from these good men of God.

It is true, “You do not have a soul. You are a soul; you have a body.” This, I believe we agree on. But neither your body nor your soul was given to you without an ultimate purpose by which alone you will be fulfilled. You claim to have the right to responsibly and joyfully make decisions about your body, decisions that no one else can or should make for you. I also believe this to be true; but only insofar as those decisions do not defy the Will of the One Who gave you free will. Yes, your free will is a gift, and it can be misused; just because you have it does not mean there is no distinction between good and evil; just because you have it does not mean that there are no consequences (or rewards) to your choices… And just because you have free will does not mean you cannot discern or adhere to the Will of God.

The Bishops – the Church – march for Life; Life from natural conception to natural death; they march for Life that has its difficulties, that is not founded on instant gratification or convenience, that requires us to die to ourselves and be born again in Love; they march for the Life that it would appear you do not yet have the courage to stand for.

Madame, God does not punish us; we punish ourselves. We suffer on this earth because we allow things to come between us and heaven, often even deliberately and consciously hammering these things into place with our own hands. If your sisters do not have the chance to enjoy the fullness of life, from birth and girlhood to the childbearing years to menopause or climacterium and then death, it is due to the sin of men, not the neglect or unthinkingness or injustice of God. Perhaps your sisters do not have this chance at Life because they were never allowed by man to exist at all.

Respectfully yours,
Aisa

Pre-Spring Cleaning

Trying to empty my drafts folder on here of its DRAFTS! (big d-u-h?), but some of them, I think, are still worth posting unfinished (and I’m only doing these for the ones that I really don’t foresee having the time or motivation to actually finish). From 21 down to… 6! =) yayayyyyayayayayyy! lol

11/11/08 – Keeping the Faith

I was hashing things out with Devin this one night in the car on our way home from… something. Lol. I forget. But anyway…

I’ve talked to graduates of “Catholic” colleges, and I’ve been uneasy inside… but I couldn’t really figure out why till Dev and I talked it over. What’s been bothering me off is the failure to give credit where credit is due.

Basically, the way these graduates are selling these colleges to kids, you’d think that if they hadn’t gone to that college, they would have ended up completely lost, in terms of Faith and morals. But I am utterly convinced that if these people had not come from the families that they did indeed come from, it wouldn’t have mattered if they went to a “Catholic” [or a Catholic] college or not.

I have no doubt that college can have a positive effect on one’s Faith. But that goes for anything, doesn’t it? If we view something correctly, unite whatever it is, whether joy or suffering or something in-between, to Christ, then really, anything can have a positive effect on our Faith. I’m not saying their college experience did absolutely nothing for these people.

11/14/08 – The Silver Lining?

My assigned reading for this week was Wulfstan’s Sermo Lupi ad Anglos. Talk about scary.

“… Zealously understand also that the Devil has led this nation astray too much now for too many years and that there has been too little loyalty among the people — though they speak well! And too many injustices have ruled in the land, and there have not always been many people who have thought about the remedy as eagerly as they should, but daily one evil has been increased after another and unrighteousness has been exalted and many laws broken all too widely throughout this nation… we have earned these miseries that now weigh us down…
“… what is due to God has faded away too long within this nation in every region. And the laws of the people have worsened all too much… And widows have been wrongfully forced to take a man, and too many have been much impoverished and humiliated. And the poor have been sorely betrayed and cruelly deceived…. And infants have been enslaved through savage legal abuses far and wide throughout this nation… God’s law is hated and his teaching scorned…
“… And also in this country there are all too many lapsed apostates and hostile church-haters and savage people-haters and far and wide despisers of just divine laws and of Christ’s servants, and derisive fools everywhere in teh nation, who hasten into those things that God’s commandments have forbidden and for the most part into those things that always belong by right to God’s law…
“… Here there are manslaughters and kin-slaughters and priest-slayers and monk-haters. And here there are perjurers and murderers. And here there are harlots and child-killers and many foul adulterous fornicators… And we are by no means ashamed of this, but we are greatly ashamed to begin atonement as the book teaches.”

That could have been written today. Yes, rather harsh, but if we are honest with ourselves, totally true.

I’ve been having this conversation with my mom, and I’ve been musing over things when I’m alone in my room. Too little too late. The Faith didn’t become what it is overnight. It wasn’t watered down and dumbed down and neglected only recently. What we have become is a result of years and years and years of what they call ‘relevance’.

1/12/09 – 4th Annual YFC Cinci Youth Camp

Perhaps a more appropriate title would be The Confessions of a Crazy Camp Co-Leader.

I think the parents all agree that these past few months have killed me. In all honesty, I’ve thrived on it all. Yes, I’ve been stressed and moody. I’ll have to work on thriving on something without being stressed and moody. Not trying to make excuses for myself, but I actually didn’t realize I was so moody… I mean, I knew I was stressed, but I didn’t realize that it showed so much besides the fact that I’m finally dealing with teenage acne (oh, yeah, before November, I didn’t know what getting acne from stress was like). Apparently there was more to it than that. I was on the phone with Paolo after Camp… Monday night/Tuesday morning, and I started the conversation explaining how Mum had held me hostage for some time gaming before finally letting me use the phone, hilarious… Anyway — “You know, Ais, you’re very obviously not stressed about Camp anymore.” “… What do you mean?” “You haven’t laughed like that in a while.” I told Mum what he’d said the next morning. “Sorry to burst your bubble, Ais.” “I thought I was hiding it pretty well, Mum?” “No, Ais… you wear your heart on your sleeve.”

*sigh* I’ve heard the mommies were telling the kids that they’d been wearing me out. Bless their hearts. It was tiring. And I’m not 100% satisfied with this past weekend. Haha, yes, yes, perfectionist me, there were parts of it that simply didn’t suit me the way they turned out… but whatever, it’s over now, and I don’t look to be doing it again anytime soon, by heaven. Let the younger ones have their chance, I shall enjoy watching them all the more for what I’ve witnessed.

We’ll put it this way. There was a lot of what Kuya Vin called ‘legwork’ for me.

I left Facebook halfway through August.

Let’s see… 1289 emails since I was asked to deal with all of this. That was… September 13th.

God is amazing. I began the course on Anglo-Saxon literature on September 14th and completed the course four days before Youth Camp. Who knew that English courses would be a source of strength and counsel for someone attempting to co-lead a Youth Camp? It was wow. We addressed the virtues of Faith, Trust, Hope, Righteous Pride, Prudence, and Generosity in the lives of great Anglo-Saxon warriors. I learned again the need to have a correct understanding of suffering, the importance of remaining detached from the world, the reality of the Spiritual Battle that is entwined with the physical.

We didn’t have any prep meetings in September because the CLS was going on every Friday night. Looking back, I think God was trying to form me through that English course. Throughout the month, the hot topic between me and my closer friends was the upcoming election. I’m thankful that we didn’t know how it would turn out… we had so much hope… September 20, we had a ToB session. September 21, I was able to organize a Sisters’ HH at Gabe’s house at the same time as the Fraternal. September 24, I established the YFC Cinci Yahoo Group. September 25, I sent out my first invitation to Youth Camp; that was to Erin. September 26, FOCA first came to my attention. September 27, we had another Sisters’ HH at Matt’s house right before the ToB session. September 29, we had choir practice with Tita Chato. (Wow, I didn’t realize my month was so full…)

October… 2. The Debate. Between Palin and Obama. Oh geeze. And the CLS continued on Friday nights. October 4, I sent out an invitation to the homeschoolers, and attended Sycamore Homecoming. I left for AZ on Wednesday, October 8, spent a week there (which I have a very long blog post on), and came back October 15th, an experienced traveler :D with very tired feet. October 17, we had the CLS graduation.

2/04/09 – The Ladies get to wave their swords around, too, you know.

There’s a song, Someday You Will Be Loved by Death Cab for Cutie… and it seems to me a rather sad mix… of truths… but also of you-wish-es.

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend
That I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart
Will eventually mend
As the blood runs red
Down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone
When you’re falling asleep
And everytime tears
Roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs
To someone you’ve yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

Oh geeze, the guy vs. girl wiring. It’s written all over the deliciously satisfying repeats of chorus. Yell ‘em out, why don’t you!!! or why don’t I =) while marching around, cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry and whatnot, looking pathetic and morose.

But I digress. Uhm… and I shall continue to, depending on how you look at it.

Hey, I applaud the dude. “I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet.” Yes, yes, recognizing that is the first wonderful step, good for you.

I’m sure all ladies at some age or another dream of their knight in shining armour, the one who will ride in and defend them from all manner of evil, etc. etc.

I, for one, haven’t given that dream up for a fairy tale… but, ladies, we’ve our own battles to fight, too, on behalf of our handsome princes.

We, as Brothers and Sisters in Christ, have an obligation to each other to guard and protect both our own hearts, and each others’… which, mental note, could mean guarding and protecting someone from yourself.

Brian Butler, in the ToB for Teens, shares of his friendship with a girl, a girl whom he describes as having loved him more than any girlfriend he’d ever had. But they were never together, and they’re happily married to other people, and are still the best of friends. Did he never have feelings for her? Sounds like he did, the way he put it, fairly straight-up. So what happened?

Let’s take a look at guy vs. girl wiring.

Say a person is called to marriage, either to another human being, or to the Church. Whichever — or rather, whomever — it is, his or her heart belongs to someone. The question is, would you like to marry someone whose heart has not been entirely yours? who has only half a heart to give, or pieces of one broken from past relationships?

It’s totally natural and normal to have feelings for people that you probably won’t end up with. But is that any call to abuse them? If your future spouse is out there, don’t you want to be guarding your heart for them? and don’t you hope that wherever they are, the people around them are guarding their heart for you? Don’t you  hope that you’ll both have as whole hearts as possible to give each other when you finally meet up? Sounds like a pretty crazy dream, a pretty crazy hope. But it’s totally possible, if we just take the initiative to live out our obligations.

Guys and girls, being wired differently, have different battles to fight, and different things that they need to be protected from.

Mary Beth Bonnaci, in  Real Love, tells of a survey repeated several times with many different people — guys and girls are asked to make two lists; qualities to look for in someone to date, and qualities to look for in someone to marry. The results, she says, hardly ever vary. With women, the two lists are more or less identical. But with guys, it’s a whole different story. Their date-quality list doesn’t match their wife-quality list.

So heads-up, this is entirely normal. It’s the way guys are wired. But what that implies, then, is that the way girls are wired tends to make them much more serious much earlier on.

Maybe girls today sow their wild oats? because of how much the culture has changed, I wouldn’t be surprised — but I’ve only ever heard of the phrase used in regards to men.

If girls even consider dating ‘casually,’ then how much more casual is it normally for the guy? at least up until a certain age, assuming they get tired of the fling lifestyle, if they ever really indulged in it in the first place. But go back to that song; “I cannot pretend that I felt any regret, ’cause each broken heart will eventually mend.” Are the guy and the girl on the same page? That would be ideal. But science says that, more often than not, at least in the teen/early-twenties years, a girl is more likely to be unconsciously giving her heart away [or consciously] prematurely, and the guy is… well, not.

I suppose that’s why girl’s crushes get so extreme. It’s almost as if her emotions are invested in a situation always on a level higher than it ought to be… like… oh, what did Elinor say?  “You think I did not feel so very much? … I’ve suffered all the punishment of an attachment without enjoying any of the advantages.”

2/08/09 – *smiles*

Some things that made me smile recently:

• grapefruit + salt ~ a love for which I inherited from Papa :D
• thumb :: hand; hand :: arm ratio ~ Nino was holding my thumb while sleeping, and I found it funny that his four fingers around my thumb span the length from my knuckle to my fingernail; similarly, while he’s got his fingers wrapped around my thumb, I have my fingers wrapped around his arm, and my four fingers span the length from his elbow to his wrist. xD
• a teaspoon of amaretto in my hot chocolate
• watching/listening to Daddy play play with Nino

6/02/09 – I don’t want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can’t escape is even worse.

Complete with Scottish accent, mind you.

But I digress.

I could almost wish that it were a physical one, rather than what it is — an emotional one. It would be nice to rip a pillow apart and have a bag to throw myself against just now. I really don’t want to be here. I didn’t want to come back. I walked into my room and yelled silently inside, “WHOA, I hate my room.” Living minimalist across the street from the Adriatic for three months taught me the true definition of ‘purge.’ I thought I knew before I left, but what a wake-up call, coming back. Nate says I’m having a culture shock. Maybe I am. Eggs here are dead. Balsamic vinegar and mozzarella di bufala cost an arm and a leg compared to home — yes, I’ve gotten comfortably used to calling Pescara that. I got comfortably used to many things. Among them were: no microwave; limited internet; snail-mail; limited communication with friends and family; tile floors; no rice cooker; no english TV (not that I ever watched it to begin with); … I’ve missed people, but I haven’t missed the place. And I haven’t missed anyone enough to want to come home — except Mama and Papa

It’s always easier to leave than to be left behind.

9/06/09 – Eating with your hands is an art.

In Bento Box in the Heartland, Linda Furiya tells of the way her father ate, which she [at an elementary-school-girl age] found very embarrassing (and was actually one of the reasons she never invited friends over from school). She describes how he would put the whole bone of whatever meat they were having in his mouth and work it with his tongue and teeth until it was completely clean before he spit it out onto his plate. It was apparently a skill that she would not have been proud to mimic.

All of my Pinoy elders possess this skill. All my life, I have been told to simot/said (that is sa-ED, two syllables). To leave not a single piece of meat or a single grain of rice. To think of the people who are starving and must dig through the garbage for their food, and not take the food on my plate for granted.

While I have a harder time with this at restaurants where I cannot choose my serving size, I am proud to say that at home, my family sometimes tease me, asking if I’ve licked my plate, too, because it looks as clean as it did when it came out of the cupboard — they exaggerate, and I do not! lol. But if there’s no sabaw (broth) with my kanin (rice) and ulam (whatever-goes-with-my-rice [that would be my translation, because my ulam is anything that isn't rice, and that could mean meat, fish, veggies, soup, broth {oh, yes. Sometimes I simply decide to have rice and broth, nothing else}]), I am proud to say that I am capable of leaving a very clean plate.

So here we are at the park having a picnic with lots of family on a Saturday, and I’m proud to say my tilapia bones are clean and shiny on my plate, but the KFC bones need some work… I’ll thank you random park people not to stare as you walk past with distaste plainly written on your faces. If you can look at us like that for how clean we leave our plates, then you clearly have no concept of poverty. Maybe I don’t, either — my life has been an easy one — but I’ve seen enough cardboard houses stacked under the highways back home to be properly ashamed of throwing my plate into the trash half-full.

Well, I think that was a sufficient intro to my weekend… let me see…

Let’s go back to Friday, August 21st. Mother made super yummy yummy chocolate zucchini muffins. I wrapped yummy yummy avocado and brown rice sushi. Nagsaing ako, and mother made bistik. Oh, and she made smoothies!!! We left the house in record time — less than half an hour after the time Daddy had originally set!!! Very proud of ourselves.

Nino slept, we feasted on Doritos and smoothies, dinner was.. well, everything else I listed above =) the kids watched Treasure Planet and I alternated between watching, sleeping, eating, and listening to my iPod in no particular order. We all had dinner at the same time, but I slept almost immediately after we left, and started my snacktime later than everyone else when the Doritos were more than half gone, I only watched a third or less of the movie due to playing Point of Extinction and King of Wishful Thinking and other delightfully upbeat *down* songs and wallowing in the beautiful blue sky, oh, and yes, I was appreciating the strength of my new glasses which surprisingly did not make my head hurt at all — I’m quite used to them now — and staring happily at the outlines of the individual leaves that I could now make out on the trees rushing by.

We got to Mama’s at around… well, before midnight? I’m pretty sure. OH, we passed this one church, I think it was Presbyterian, celebrating its 140th anniversary. I was half-awake, I think. At first, I thought, oh, that’s nice, that’s a long time. And then I woke up and thought. Wait, what? Only 140 years? That’s so… sad… I can name a Church that has 2000 years and then some to its credit, didn’t you know? =) Nino had just woken up when we arrived, pero sumama agad kay Mama. We feasted on arroz caldo and sushi, of course, before going to bed. I went to sleep at around 1AM Cinci time. Ninong was still on his laptop when I fell asleep.

do you embrace your faith or are you a cafeteria catholic who picks and chooses

catholicism requires a more radical committment than we may like

catholicism is hard fair hting to think

more important ot be part of the minority who has jesus or the majority of compromises

that in the eucharist we receive the body and blood soul and divinity of our lord … that abortion is always a sin… that living together comes after marriage not before… the contraception in marriage is an evil…

4/28/10 – the hit be double

Wow… well, today, I caught up on eight posts on Courtney’s blog, and am currently working on the 128 posts that I’m behind on at American Papist (I’ve brought it down to 97 ), and I don’t know what God’s trying to tell me, but there’s just too many posts hitting way too close to home. It’s starting to get to me.

And of course, as those of you who know me well have sometimes remarked on, Aisa’s mind goes off in tangents that sometimes take a while to follow, and Aisa in face-to-face conversation often switches from one topic to another at an alarming speed, which wouldn’t matter so much if the topics were related, but they’re usually not…

At any rate, bear with me. This is just Aisa…. brain dumping.

I found this article on Courtney’s blog, and then again on American Papist.

Besides the very obvious issue at hand — that of the conscience clause not being upheld — there’s a line here that refuses to leave me alone:

“I emigrated to this country in the belief that here religious freedom is sacred,” Cenzon-DeCarlo said.

My debates with Kuya Jhun from three and a half years ago came back to me.

4/29/10 – Samson

So. There’s, like, these guys that I know.

Mom: I just realized I have a thing for guys with long blonde hair.
Dad: Too late.

5/05/10

My morning began with pit bulls.

5/24/10

1348 ~ As I begin this post, I haven’t decided on a title yet.

I woke up feeling not too great today. So here I am at home, sniffling and trying to drink lots of water and stay active and wondering if I’m only imagining this whole feeling warm thing. There’s that saying that if you act sick, you’ll feel sicker. It’s so true. I’ve got a long list of things to take care of before the day is over. Yes, rest is on there, but after getting up, taking a shower, and more or less being ready to step out the door, I ended up sleeping in until lunchtime.

Nino greeted me with a hug =) Lunch was delicious, and I’ve had at least three cups of veggies already. I’ve gotten a load of laundry going. It’s nice to rediscover how therapeutic laundry is. And now I shall continue cleaning my room… currently listening to Jeremy Camp’s Let It Fade =) On my list for today is to blog a list of things I am thankful for, something I have not done in a while and that I feel would be both spiritually and physically beneficial.

• #1 ~ My family =) I love being the oldest of five. I love having parents who are open to Life. I am thankful for my Mama and Papa. I still sleep with my grandparents when we visit them. I have chosen to retain that privilege. I woke up at around 3AM Saturday morning and turned to see Mama hugging Papa. I lay awake for a bit meditating on what Deacon Madz said about how the greatest vocation crisis today is not to the priesthood, but to marriage. Mama and Papa just spent their 44th wedding anniversary in the Holy Land. I praise God for the example and testimony of Mama and Papa and Mom and Dad in the Sacrament of Matrimony.

1428 ~

• #2 ~ Devin =) I’m staring at a certain framed sheet of blue paper hanging right in front of me, above my desk. Our friendship has been one of God’s biggest blessings to me, one that He has allowed me to keep for very nearly nine years now, and still going! I praise God for Dev, and for her whole family.

1642 ~ I remember reading today’s meditation from In Conversation with God while we were in Italy last year. I remember focusing on the paragraph that reads,

“The filial disposition of the gift of piety is seen also in our readiness to ask again and again like needy children until we are granted what we want. In prayer, our will is identified with the Will of our Father, who always wants what is best for his children. This trust in prayer makes us feel secure, unwavering, daring; it dissipates anxiety and the unease that comes from depending solely on our own strength, and helps us to be serene in the face of difficulties.”

This passage has a new meaning for me, now. The difficulties I face now are nothing like I would have supposed they would be a year ago. That is such an interesting thought. But today, in this year, the lines that catch my eye are,

“Piety towards others leads us to judge them always with kindness which walks hand in hand with a filial affection for God our common Father. It disposes us to forgive easily any offences received, even very painful ones.”

Pray for me, please. Forgiveness is something I am struggling with at the moment. It is not so much a constant anger or disquiet, but rather, I am led to think for significant lengths of time that I have forgiven and am at peace, and then a little thing will spring up quite unexpectedly, a reminder in some unanticipated form, that will awaken whatever it was I thought I had put aside. I keep hearing… I wonder if you ever loved me just for who I was / when the pain came back again like a bitter friend / it was all that I could do to keep myself from blaming you. It’s also strange to not know who I have not forgiven for what sometimes.

~ seven days later ~

2050 ~ I was off for a considerably longer period of time than I’d anticipated. I suppose I ought to be preparing that prep sheet for tomorrow, but it shouldn’t take me that long, and I’m procrastinating.

My three days off were a wake up call, I was telling Mom and Jana… they were a reminder of why I have no ambitions to be a career woman. I spent my three days resting, but also cleaning, doing my old chores like laundry, playing with Nino, and overall just having a good time with the family. I know it won’t all be unicorns and rainbows, but

7/21/10 – I’m trying to ignore the pastries.

I’m sitting here at Bakery Hill at these new tables that are actually near an outlet and that have their back to the Bakery. Hence the title.

Expect a ton of randomness right about now.

I haven’t blogged in AGES.

I have also grown considerably more and more skilled in stating the obvious.

It’s only the fourth week of the term, but I am totally ready for this summer to be over. Basically, I’m taking a bunch of ‘easy A’ classes, and all they’re doing is trying my patience – with the exception of Cooking 5.

I enjoy my Kung Fu class. But every week, I like the technique less and less. Nate says that I should look on the bright side; at least I’m training. But this isn’t my old stubbornness over staying true to one school. Ok, maybe it’s partly that, but not all. It’s also the plain logic behind the techniques. A perfect example – in I guess what would be the equivalent to front stance, my front foot is to be turned in, such that my knee follows, thus supposedly protecting the groin. Unfortunately, I argue that it is ten times more important for my foot to be in a position which ensures stability, aka foot pointing forward, because it’s the easiest thing in the world to take a six-inch step sideways and completely nullify the supposed effectiveness of my front knee. And I’m in no position to keep my stance no matter where I get hit; turning my foot inwards throws me completely off balance. If someone tries to shove me, down I’ll go. I also do not like being told that the stance which I have originally been trained to take in sparring is stupid. I argue that you cannot maintain a cat stance 100% of the time in a fight, and you will have to, at some point, take up my ‘stupid’ fighting stance in order to transfer your weight from one foot to the other, which I do believe is actually very necessary when sparring. So… how about I just stick to my normal fighting stance and constantly shift my weight from one foot to another so that I’m always ready, like I was originally taught to? Ok, ok, end sarcasm. Nate’s right. It is good to be training again. And I guess I need a class to continue to train me in the art of biting my tongue. Last term’s was, of course, Cooking 4.

8/24/10 – I fell in love with NorCal.

With the weather, to be more specific.

Paco, Daddy and I left for the airport on Thursday morning, after roughly four hours of sleep on my part. I had on a sweater and jeans for the plane, but I had no idea I’d be needing either in NorCal. No huge issues getting through security and to the gate; waiting was the most trying time, naturally. We ended up playing ungguyan and pekwa and splitting a breakfast sandwich. I slept pretty much the whole of that first leg.

I thought we’d have a two hour stopover, but it ended up being tight, and we made it to our next gate with only six minutes to spare. As it turned out, the flight was full, and several people were having ticket issues… there was a long line of people who didn’t have seat numbers or something? so we ended up having time to grab something to eat really quick, and we were in the fourth loading zone, into the bargain. Whatever place it was we grabbed food from was apparently one of those everything-organic places, and I know that doesn’t mean much these days with government regulations, but it was a small margin of comfort… compared to where we’d gotten breakfast that morning… Oh. my. gosh. I suppose it’s a good thing, but also somewhat annoying… being a culinary student and shuddering as you watch the line, wondering how long the lids have been left off of the cheese, even if they’ve deli papers in between and on top. Blah. But our lunch place was nice. Very nice. And our lunch was delicious. I had a grilled chicken and spinach panini, and Paco had a ham, egg, and cheese croissant. Paco’s came with hash browns and mine came with a salad. I didn’t have time to take pictures. I slept most of our second leg, too.

When we’d checked in, the kiosk had informed us that the current temperature at our final destination was 57. YIKES. When we landed, it was 66. There was a light breeze, and the sun was shining, and the heat was nicely dry and not in the least bit humid.

We took the bus to the light rail station. All I had were $20s, and when we got my ticket first, I had a slight scare… I thought it had paid me back in tokens when I saw the coins coming out. What the heck was I going to do with $18 worth of tokens?! but upon closer inspection, it turns out they were dollar coins. Paco was THRILLED. I was less so, particularly because I had never heard of the person on the front of the first five that I turned over. Yes, I am that bad at history. But c’mon, do YOU remember Millard Fillmore and anything significant that he did when were learning about the *important* US presidents? (Please say no? because I don’t…) We bought Paco’s ticket and inspected the fine print and looked around the station for a map and didn’t find one. As it was, we ended up getting on the wrong one. I was having too much fun to be really concerned, but I had Paco check the map above and across from us. We got off two stops later and waited for the one that went the other way… which was about three seconds after we’d gotten off the first.

We had a good fifteenish, twenty minute ride. Gorgeous weather, my goodness. Forgive me, but I was so insanely thrilled at how many Pinoys there were everywhere. And I saw a Filipino restaurant that I wanted to go back to – goodness knows we had time – but we didn’t.

God had provided thus far, and I was praying that the Hyatt would not be hard to find… We got off at Great America and, lo and behold, there was the Hyatt right across the street from the station. Praise God.

I had foreseen possible complications with the front desk… Our instructions concerning the reservations were very vague. I suppose I ought to have had the… maturity? to panic slightly, but I was walking on air the second we stepped off the plane, so I didn’t even have the sense to call Mum and Dad while things were being sorted out. As it turned out, we did not have reservations at the Hyatt for Thursday night, and the person who had told me I would was not answering their phone. I called Ate Mary, but she was in a meeting, as I found out later. I did get a hold of Tito Leo, but that was not going to help me much, since they weren’t there yet, anyway. The front desk was extremely helpful and got me the number of the CFC contact they’d been working with. They even offered to call her for me, but I said it was alright. By this time, we’d been sitting around in the lobby of the Hyatt for almost an hour, and they’d been so terribly accommodating, asking if we’d like snacks or water, both of which we declined as we had almost two boxes worth of granola bars in my backpack. I called the number they’d given and had things sorted out within ten minutes. We did have reservations for that night, but at a hotel two stoplights down on Great America.

I called the Avatar hotel and found out that the shuttle had just left for SJC. They said it would be along for us in about half an hour. It ended up being closer to an hour, but that was ok… because we bumped into people from New Jersey who were in the same predicament, and they knew Vince, into the bargain. I texted Vince to let him know I’d met his friends.

The Avatar is COOL! Hahaha. Nope, no blue humanoids… just nice Pinays at the front desk… anyway… The first thing you see when you walk in is a glass case of old toy robots. Intense. As Michelle observed, the place looked a little sketchy from the outside, but the rooms were, in a word, fun. You know how modern can be totally overdone? This place had it just right. The furniture was brightly colored - neon pinks and blues and greens – and the sheets were

Before we share, let us all keep in mind that this is moreso a prayer than a song. Each line was truly voiced from the Holy Spirit. It was a blessing to be led by Him through music. As the lyrics fell into place, we envisioned the many faces of sisters around the nation. Though all our stories are different, this song represents what brought us together as a Sisterhood in the first place. It represents that special longing for Christ that is within our hearts as women of God. Let this be your prayer to Him. <3

ps. if you want the actual file of the lyrics/chords just message me your email. :)
pss. tag/share this with other sisters!

————————————————–

“A Sister’s Prayer”

Amaj7: x09999 or x02120
Emaj7: 079897 or 022100
E7: x76770 or 020100
A: x02220
Am: x02210

Intro (x2): Amaj7 – Emaj7

Amaj7 Emaj7
|—————-9———-7———|
|—————-9———-9———|
|———–9—-9———-8———|
|–9h11———-9———-9———|
|—————-0———-7———|
|————————————-|

Verse 1:
Amaj7 Emaj7
IT STARTS WITH ME TODAY
Amaj7 Emaj7
WHEN YOUR GRACE FELL LIKE THE RAIN
Amaj7 Emaj7
I’M GIVING UP, I’M POWERLESS
Amaj7 Emaj7
BUT LOVING YOU MAKES ME THE BEST

Verse 2:
Amaj7 Emaj7
YOUR TIME CAN ONLY TELL
Amaj7 Emaj7
YOUR WILL FOR YEARNING HEARTS
Amaj7 Emaj7
MY SPIRIT LONGS FOR MORE
C#m B C#m-B-A
GOD YOUR LOVE GIVES ME REST

Chorus:
Emaj7 E7
THIS IS MY PRAYER
A Am
TO BE HUMBLE, TO BE PATIENT, AND KIND
Emaj7 E7
OH LORD, YOU KNOW MY HEART’S DESIRE
A
SO TRANSFORM ME, LORD GOD MOLD ME
Am Amaj7
TO BE HOLY, A TRUE WOMAN OF GOD

9/14/10 – seven minutes before class…

Brad: Oh you kids. You make me so angry. ANGRY. I will destroy all of you. ALL of you.
Joe: *takes red pen out of Brad’s front pocket and throws it on floor at Brad’s feet*
Brad: *curses* *grabs highlighter from pen jar and draws it across

long have I waited for your coming / home to Me and living / deeply our new life

Ash Wednesday:

Reading 1 ~ Jl 2:12-18

Reading 2 ~ 2 Cor 5:20-6:2

Gospel ~ Mt 6:1-6, 16-18

Homily ~ Fr. Geoff reminded us that what we give up for Lent is supposed to make us a better person. If we give up something for 40 days but then go back to our old life come Easter, if Lent doesn’t change us and make us a better person, we’ve wasted Lent. Lent, he said, is a season for Giving: giving IN to God’s will, strengthening our relationship with Him through prayer; giving UP the things that hinder us in our relationship with God; giving TO other people of ourselves, denying ourselves and putting others first; and FORgiving others as God forgives us. He challenged us to choose one to focus on for the whole of Lent.

~ notes ~

Wilmington on Sunday… What stuck with me from Fr. Jim’s homily was how we’re not called to do everything. In the same way that Jesus did not always preach to the same group of people, that sometimes the message was for everyone, and at other times it was only for one person. That each of us have been blessed with unique talents to be used in different ways.

I was on Mother’s bed earlier this week and I picked up the Bible and opened it… to Sirach 3: 22-23. I needed that.

Loved loved LOVED Fr. Geoff’s homily.

God is so amazing. I was called in to work on Thursday, and I wasn’t feeling all that hyper about it… But as soon as I got there, I saw Karen and joined her for breakfast. And then who should show up but Joe. Karen and I hug-attacked him and took some 25 pics. And then they left for class. Around 8:20ish, the fire alarm went off. I was lazy that morning and hadn’t gone to my locker to drop off my coat. I’d gone straight to the Overlook. When the alarm went off my first thought was, “So THAT’S why I was feeling lazy! Praise God!” and then of course I went to stand outside, all the while praising God that I had my coat. Then I started to get bored… and then I realized that the whole ATLC had just been evacuated and that meant all my Culinary friends were probably standing right outside the exit nearest the kitchens. I walked around to the other side of the ATLC and got to hang out with Karen and Bender and Kuya Steve and Jenni and Steph and Jena and everybody! and I discovered that Nathan is in Culinary. Why did I not know that before??? Clocked in at around 8:40ish. I’d forgotten that I’d given up the Honors Room for Lent, so I went there on my lunch break… and then no one was there and I remembered that I’d given it up. Backtracking a bit… When this term started, I was somewhat upset that I wouldn’t be in the Honors Room every day like last term… and then I realized that the Honors Room was turning into a sort of live facebook. Aside from nurturing my unhealthy tendency to be cliquish with everyone in it, I found that the thought of not keeping up with all those people bothers me. That is not good. So I’m giving it up for Lent in an attempt to refocus. The point is, upon finding the Honors Room empty on Thursday, I remembered that I was supposed to be giving it up and made an effort to go back to work cheerfully. Not easy. And then who should God throw in my way to help me keep smiling but my favorite Valento refugees… Jeff and Joe and Adam and Bender… and Miguel, whom I thought I wouldn’t see ever again after Baking 1 because I didn’t take Baking 2 this term… and if seeing them and being able to catch up with them a bit wasn’t enough, I got multiple hugs from everybody into the bargain. Miguel got a haircut! and Joe’s back to looking like he’s 12 again. Hilarious. Later, Brad and I were washing dishes in 033. I gave up non-Christian music, too, and I was running out of songs to sing… and then Fuzz put on a CD. Amazing. Casting Crowns!!!! and Jeremy Camp and Third Day and… everything! God was helping me keep my fast.

And then today… meatballs went up to the Overlook and I realized I couldn’t have any because it’s Friday. Salmon was not on the menu… but they had it anyway! =) and I got to help my Kuya Chef clean 004, and we were singing worship songs the whole time.

*happy*

Oh oh oh! and THIS is finally a poster!!!!!!!!! I am so getting that for myself, maybe after I get back from Disney or something. LOL at Wednesday’s XKCD, so appropriate. I have to post it on the Honors facebook on Sunday.

Freaky Friday?

Apparently, Mr. Bob’s ears are smaller today… at least, according to Drew…

Hahahahaha.

Driving home today, horrible, horrible traffic on Winton Rd., I was at a dead stop and turned the radio on. Well, Matthew West was rapping on 93.3 and… I detest Matthew West’s attempts at rap. The point is, I wasn’t about to sit and listen to that… So I was searching and found Party In The USA followed by Fireflies followed by Battlefield, at which point I switched back to 93.3 to check, and One Life To Love was playing, followed by Sing Sing Sing. And my mind just went GABEMATTJULIPAOLONATEMICHELLEKIMMARIELCANDISSE….!!!!! lol. And then I turned it off again because the ads started. But thank you, all you wonderful people that indirectly accompanied me today on my hour-long drive home :) I miss you all more than I know how to say.

SO I’M HOME NOW and the weekend has begun, but I almost wish it hadn’t.

I got there at 7… oh yes, David was walking around again. *sigh* ANYway. It was raining this morning. DUDE! The weather totally reflected my whole day today!!!!!! It was raining hard when I left and and was still raining when I got to school and it was dark and rainy and cloudy so there was no sunrise for me to watch and then when I was on break (which I’ll get to later) the sun came out and then I ACTUALLY NEEDED MY CONSERVATIVE SUNGLASSES DRIVING HOME! Shoutout to Glo right there, btw xD Ta-da! My beautiful started-out-bleh-turned-completely-upside-down day =)

But that was the short version.

*ahem* ‘Scuse me a tic while I run down to grab some more of that fresh-out-of-the-oven bread made by Yena cut with the Junix knife and spread with Irish Butter.

Mmmmmm.

~ some hours later ~

Sorry. Sunshine pulled me and my autographed guitar outside :) Lol the kids are having saber fights, of course, and these two dudes driving past slowed down and were watching and pointing at them with dude-those-kids-are-Star-Wars-kids smiles on their faces. Hahahahahaha.

So… Cafeteria… right. Anthony got there eventually, some talk about the traffic… and how he only had one class the other day and it was at 4, but it was canceled and there hadn’t been an email and so he drove there and back home in rush-hour traffic… ugh… Rosa and Colleen showed up nearer 8:15, and all of us ended up asking Anthony where the Breakfast With A TV Chef event was taking place even though he wasn’t going. Turns out the demo kitchen where The Dish is shot is a level below and on the other side of where I meant to head if Anthony hadn’t set us straight xD Whew.

THEY FED US PANERA. That was sweet. Chef Galvin joined us halfway through our quick breakfast, asked what all of our majors were and gave some perspective on how each major related to food, and then she took us down to the demo kitchen… WOW. Oh, but wait; first she told us a bit about her background and education and stuff.

(Btw… listening to…

THANKS UNC xD)

The whole thing was amazing… haha but the one thing that hit me was that I never want to have my own cooking show! Lol. I mean, Chef Galvin’s great at what she does! but it sounds like one of those things I’d do… if I never wanted to do anything else! and wouldn’t leave much time for a family. So much mise-en-place. I think I’ll stick to cooking at home =)

That ended at around 10, so John and Colleen and I were left with nothing to do for… well, two hours for Colleen and I and one hour for John. We headed past the lounge and Julia called to us, and everyone was for hanging out in the lounge… I suggested the Honors hangout [because I wanted to check it out] and everyone was nice enough to go with the idea. They did tease a bit, though xD since we were already in the lounge and I dragged them all the way to the other building and up the stairs. Haha.

Colleen and I have decided that we need to do something to the hangout… could use a good vacuuming, a bit of de-cluttering and re-decorating… Hahahaha. We’ll figure it out… eventually… Two other Honors students dropped by, but they left almost immediately.

Oh, did I mention there’s a fork on the ceiling?

John and I were supposed to be working on our journals and Colleen and Julia were supposed to be reading, but somehow we got into debating things… Oh yes. I’ve actually found people that I can have delightful passionate non-threatening debates with.

~ cont. Saturday 10.03 ~

AHHHHH I have homework. Lol. Uhm… I need a break from my Cooking 1 workbook, though. Woohoo debating with people made me miss Eric and Nate A LOT =( but dude, it had been raining all morning, and halfway through the debating, Colleen looked out and remarked, “Oh look! The sun’s coming out!” And there it was, peeking out, marking the turn of my day from sleepy/gloomy to *smiles* all around.

Well… debating was so intense that John didn’t get his journal done by 11. *cough* Whoops. I actually finished mine first. So Colleen and Julia and I left at 5 till and suggested that John just sit in with our class.

Obviously, everyone who usually gets there early were wondering where we were, since Colleen and I are usually among the first. Oh, I was greeted with, “Hi Boots,” from Drew. “What??” “Well, you’re the only one wearing knee-high boots around here!” “Wow… those are big boots,” adds Alex. *sigh*

I ran back to my locker to grab my stapler for Colleen, which ended up being borrowed by five more people or something… anyway, Mr. Bob walks in and Drew’s greeting for Mr. Bob is, “Your ears are smaller today. I can see you’ve been working on them.”

Do NOT ask me where that came from.

Well, everyone was chatting comfortably and I raised my hand and started blurting out my confession about having dragged John to the Honors hangout and forcing him to debate and thus distracting him from his work and how he was desperately trying to finish his journal and that’s why he hadn’t made it to the 11 o’clock class and so John was going to come and sit in at some point and hand in his paper and so would Mr. Bob please be kind enough not to punish him because it was all my fault… etc.

Yeah, I did the typical all-in-one-breath confession thingy that I do.

Well, the whole class went quiet and then all stared at me and decided to all burst out laughing  when I was done. At any rate, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. John came in eventually and was allowed to sit in and hand in his paper afterwards. Ladeeda xD

Oh, and Julia had an interesting experience and it was related to one of mine and Colleen had given me advice earlier that day concerning it and then she gave it to Julia post-Julia’s experience.

And then I drove home and all that nice stuff.

And that was my Freaky Friday.

OH WAIT!!!! I didn’t say WHY it was freaky! Well, obviously there was Mr. Bob’s ears supposedly being smaller. But then there was the black-bug-infested flour and the time-temp-abused turkey and the can-of-Pam-that-moved-a-foot-on-its-own that Chef Galvin was telling us about earlier that day. And then things came up while we were in the Honors hangout and just chatting and not actually debating relating to mine-and-later-Julia’s experiences.

Ahem.

Well, that was ambiguous…

NOW I NEED TO GET BACK TO HOMEWORK.

‘Scuse me.

A Question of Perspective

~BRAIN DUMP~

At the Dayton Catholic Homeschool Conference, there was a panel for high schoolers going into college. The panel was made up of two young men and two young women. The two young men had both completed their freshman year of college, and one was going into his sophomore year with junior status. The two young women were sisters; one was 23 and had just graduated, the other had gone straight into a full-time job out of high school.

About a year earlier, I attended a panel offered by two Notre Dame grads.

The difference between the topics covered and the questions asked was striking.

Reflecting on the Notre Dame panel last year, I recall their having covered the admissions process, giving advice on essays and recommendation letters, talking about housing, tuition, sports, dealing with homesickness and finding one’s “home-away-from-home,” and touching briefly on the Catholic culture of Notre Dame University.

Then there was the Dayton panel. If you asked me to describe the Notre Dame panel in three words, I’d say “test scores” and “finances.” If you asked for the same about the Dayton panel, I’d only need one; “Faith.”

The Dayton panel had no presentation prepared. They were simply available for about an hour and a half to answer questions from Catholic homeschoolers. There were a few parents sitting in to listen, but this session was really for the teens to express their concerns about college. The only parent who did any talking was the one overseeing the whole thing, and though he sometimes added a thing or two to the questions of the teens, or perhaps asked them to clarify or elaborate, all he was really there for was to read out the questions that teens had written down beforehand in a notebook. Once we ran out of those, the teens just kept asking.

It provided the most interesting insight into the minds of Catholic homeschooling teens.

Finances were nothing. Money was not brought up by either the teens or the panel. That was the first thing that hit me. These guys were concerned about their education, without regard to financial difficulties, trusting that the Lord would provide and that they could shoot for schools like Ave Maria and FUS, no problemo.

So what were their questions?

Well, there was one about cafeteria food :) We were assured by the panel members that it wouldn’t kill us.

Then there were questions on time management. Big thing for homeschoolers who are used to having as much time as they need to complete anything, and don’t normally dig timed tests. I hear ya.

But the questions were mostly Faith-based: Is it difficult to live out your Catholic Faith in the college setting; How do you deal with liberal-minded professors and students; Are/Were your experiences different based on where you went/are going (we had the one lady in the work force, her sister went to a secular college, and I believe both guys are attending Catholic colleges… I’m sure at least one is, maybe the other isn’t, I can’t remember now); In what areas of your Faith did you feel most challenged; and my personal favorite, this question came from a girl that I’d estimate to be about fifteen, and you could tell from the tone of her voice that she was very seriously concerned about this, How do you be friends with someone who isn’t Catholic?

The panel’s advice was simple and mature. Immerse yourself in your Faith while you’re still in high school. Ground yourself in it. Know It. One of the ladies said, “Take an Apologetics course.” Evangelize by your example. BE a presence that commands respect. See opposition as an opportunity to enlighten. One of the guys quoted St. Francis, “Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.” Are you hearing this? These are young adults who know what really matters in life. College isn’t the issue here. The issue here is heaven.

Poor girl asking that last question — she really did sound as if she could not conceive it possible to be friends anyone outside her faith. She elaborated on her question — basically, how do you balance the obligation you have as a Catholic to evangelize… and still be friends with someone? I hope she hasn’t had trouble with that in past, bless her heart. I smiled when one of the guys voiced what was going on in my mind; he used the example of one of his closest friends being an atheist.

I’m thankful for the exposure that my parents have allowed me. I, too, have had to ask myself sometimes, How do I keep things balanced? I have many close friends that are Catholic, but some among my best that are not. I know I have an obligation to try and evangelize, without being obnoxious about it. And I know I can get prettyyy obnoxious if I let myself.

I know Nate won’t mind me saying this :) Our friendship is a perfect example. He knows perfectly well I don’t agree with him on a number of moral issues, I know he doesn’t agree with me. We find plenty of fault in each others’ logic, and yes, the conversation can get heated sometimes. But the bottom line is that we respect each other as people, we respect each other’s opinions, and we value each other enough to stay good friends despite. I once told someone that I sometimes felt as if I benefited more from Nate’s opposition than from anyone else’s support on a particular matter. Disagreeing with him actually helped me stay focused, because his promptings helped me to clearly evaluate the logic behind my own stance.

Hmm… I digress.

So there we go. The contrast between the focuses was just… sad. In some ways. How do you get kids like that? who just… have that grasp of what the real issues are? I’m not so biased as to say that it’s obviously Catholic homeschooling and impossible for kids to reach that level of understanding any other way. Perfect example for me — Cmela’s got that same grip on things. Our wall-to-wall a couple months ago:

Cmela ~ girl, a catholic is a catholic.
liberal catholics are….. stupid for trying to change the system. they need to get real. haha.

me ~ hahaha. here, i’ll put it this way — i believe that there is a difference — between a PRACTICING Catholic and a CAFETERIA Catholic :D

and yes, they totally need to get real. Faith and intelligence are inextricably linked. i just wanna yell sometimes DUDE PLEASE DON’T INSULT OUR INTELLIGENCE BY SAYING ANY PART OF CATHOLICISM IS ILLOGICAL!

:D anyone pre-Reformation times would be able to tell you that. isn’t that sad?

Cmela ~ haha exactly, religion isnt formed for one’s needs alone, but rather for everyone’s :)

besides, you cant be invested in something and not be fully in it… if you’re a catholic, then you need to exercise everything that the catholic church teaches! you cant just pick activities that you want!!!!

IF ONE DOES NOT FULLY LIVE OUT BEING A CATHOLIC, get the eff out! hahah that was kinda mean, but thats what i feel. Jesus still loves them tho, haha.

So what is it, then? Liberal Catholicism is… well, a heresy. Isn’t it? This is the “Modern Heresy” as predicted by Hilaire Belloc.

Hmmm… I am so OT. What was I talking about? Comparing perspectives of two sets of panels? Yeah, something like that. So how do you get kids — well, people, in general — to put the Faith over the finances? Oh, I’m sleepy. Goodnight.

~END BRAIN DUMP~

Bento Box in the Heartland: A Response

No, I haven’t finished the book yet, but I wanted to address the chapter about arranged marriages. Linda compares her two divorces that started as “love marriages” to her parents’ strong arranged marriage. Linda recalls her mother saying that love marriages weren’t popular in Japan because “… everyone knows they don’t work… always end in breakup.” She makes it sound as if the reason her attempts at marriage failed were because of — just that — the fact that they were “love marriages”. But I disagree.

Linda made it clear that had her mother not chosen to fight to make her arranged marriage work, and instead, had returned to Japan, she, along with her entire family, would have been disgraced.

I argue that it is not a question of whether the marriage is arranged or for love. The issue here is the mindset.

I remember reading an article on dressing modestly. It addressed the fact that sometimes, the definition of “modesty” is affected by the culture. The article gave the example that a woman completely covered up in one part of the world might be “modest” by the standards of the society in which she moves, where everyone well covered up is the norm; whereas the girl on the other side of the world who dresses scantily may be “modest” by the standards of her culture, because it is the norm where she lives; and no doubt if these two ladies were to exchange places, they would be shocked by the standards of the other.

In the same way, it is not whether it is a “love marriage” or an arranged marriage, but rather — is “giving up” a disgrace or not? If Linda’s standards concerning a “love marriage” had been the same as her mother’s — that it would have been a disgrace to not fight to make the marriage work — then what kind of marriage it was would have been completely irrelevant. The question is: Is divorce acceptable? A godless society as opposed to a God-centered one will have different standards, and they have been and will continue to shock each other. I, on some level, will never get over the fact that some people out there simply don’t get what I believe marriage is — indissoluble. And I’m sure those people think I’m crazy for not looking at marriage as just the same as any other stage of relationship — severable.

(Ahaha. WordPress thinks “severable” isn’t a word.”)

If going back to Japan would not have disgraced Linda’s mother in the eyes of the society in which she moved at the time, would she have left? It’s perfectly possible. But the standards that she chose to live by were that you only get one shot at forever and you work it out, period, no questions asked; standards that she apparently did not pass on to her daughter. What a pity.

The Hopes and Dreams of a Catholic Girl v2.0

It’s been a year and a half to the day since I wrote v1.0. A few months after that, I wrote The First Step.

A great deal has happened since then. Regarding certain goals I mentioned — I’ve graduated from high school and I’ve been off for nearly a year now. I’ve determined what I’m studying and where for the next six years of my life. I’ve certainly learned  a great deal more about my Faith and feel considerably more comfortable discussing and debating… This past year and a half has been full of new experiences… some of them include traveling completely by myself, spending three months abroad, a third baby brother… and I’ve learned a lot of life lessons that have hurt… particularly with regards to the virtue of integrity.

Simply put… Aisa at fifteen thought she had it all down. And in theory… I still think she had enough to get by and then some. Most of what came out in The Logic Behind Love series was absorbed by fifteen. But it wasn’t till May of Aisa’s seventeenth year that those theories were put to the test, and she learned how difficult it is to uphold Truth, no matter how fully you comprehend the logic behind it. Why is that? Why is something that makes perfect sense – physically, mentally, and spiritually – so difficult to pull through with? Like Kuya Vin once said at an Upper Household in our early months of YFC Cinci – Why do we keep on sinning? Simply because we neither love God enough nor fear the reality of Hell enough.

I remember a quote from my Ate Mary… “Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?“

Somewhere along the line after that ‘First Step’, I started to lose sight of what that ring signified. It was gradual… the way you boil a frog. I was in the middle before I realized I had begun. Funny how often that happens and yet we never seem to learn the trick. How long did it take the Saints? How much longer will it take me?

Do you ever get those days where you’re tired of being alive? Not suicidal, but just tired of living? And then I look at my Papa and the eighty years he’s endured on this earth and I wonder to myself how he has borne it and how I could possibly bear it as well as he did. Lots of prayer, says Mum. Of course =)

My hopes and dreams have not changed much since a year and a half ago. These past few months, I’ve been experiencing something akin to what I went through after our move from PA… that feeling of, what do you do when your dreams seem to be so close, you could reach out and brush them with your fingertips, and then you’re thrown into circumstances that force you practically all the way back to the beginning? Only, these are higher stakes than Dan ranking. But that’s my own fault…

Yes, this post is very vague =) This rightly belongs in the BRAIN DUMP category.

So I’ve been learning things the hard way. Mother asked me once if I would change anything if I had the chance to. But my answer was that… I’m not going to waste time thinking of how I could have done it better. It’s done. And I need to move forward. What emotional turmoil I’m experiencing now is my own fault and I will deal with it; I knew exactly what I was up against and what the consequences would be, in theory. And now it’s all coming to pass.

What it comes down to, I guess, is that… despite the ups and downs of the past year and a half… I still have no higher ambitions than being a mother. I had a great conversation with Liz about that, just last week, and I quote, “its so easy to see success as becoming a professional something when really the greatest success is in raising kids well.. to love God =)” I know I haven’t been doing the best job at making myself the best person that I can possibly be… but I thank God that He’s kept my head clear in that area… and I pray that that’s a grace I’ll never lose.

*sigh* Living epistles, wherever you are in the mind of God, I’m sorry I messed up, and I promise mommy’s trying to get back on track and doing her best to think of you each day and remember that she’s making herself the best person she can possibly be for your sakes. *kisses*

Here goes nothing.

The ToB – What Is It?

The ToB… is serving at IHN. or not.

It’s being an older child and knowing when to be a second parent to the younger ones and when to be a sibling and acting accordingly. or not.

It’s cheerfully offering up the tiresome chore of cleaning one’s room for the souls in Purgatory. or not.

It’s knowing when to keep one’s mouth shut and when to stand up for what you believe in. or not.

It’s going to school every day because you want to make yourself a better person. or not.

It’s waking up and giving oneself enough time to get going without stressing. or not.

It’s developing good eating habits — which actually have a lot to do with how one practices chastity — or not.

It’s Daddy coming and kissing all his kids goodbye before leaving for work even though they’re all still sleeping. or not.

It’s knowing that your parents only want what’s best for you and submitting to their will even if you don’t totally agree with it. or not.

It’s facing all the temptation to negativity throughout the day and overcoming it. or not.

It’s willing the good of those around you. or not.

It’s a wife’s submission to her husband balanced out by his priority to lay down his entire being for his wife… It’s the nod to the kid at school that no one ever talks to… It’s finding oneself in giving of oneself to others… It’s working to make oneself the best person that one can possibly be so as to be able to really give the best that one can give… It’s making sure you get enough sleep at night… It’s offering up the annoying traffic jam for your friend who’s sick… It’s choosing to snail-mail someone you haven’t snail-mailed in ages… It’s drinking 8 glasses of water a day… It’s reaching past surface with those you care about every decent chance you get… It’s spending fifteen minutes laughing over nothing with your Mother… It’s spending an hour in heated debate with your best friend but going to sleep knowing you still love them anyway… It’s giving someone a call just to talk nonsense for half an hour… It’s sitting down with a Brother or Sister to pray… or not.

The ToB… is you. It’s your life. It’s knowing that we are made in the image and likeness of God… that we image God by our lives… that we are a visible, tangible manifestation of God’s Love in the lives of those around us. It’s knowing that a vocation is not something ten years down the road that you’re working towards, but that it’s something you’re living right now. Your vocation is to be… a student… a daughter… a son… a wife… a sister… a husband… a brother… a friend. The ToB… the Theology of the Body. The study of God… through your body.

It’s how you live. And how you make God visible through living.

It’s choosing to be human. or not.

And it’s me saying it’s time for me to get some sleep so that I’m not cranky in line for the Sistine Chapel tomorrow xD

The Logic Behind Love; Part III

Hi hi, Sisters! Here I go again =) Moving kind of shook me up, but Ais is now back in her crazy-Ateish-theology-MAJOR-lets-get-it-straight-by-the-ToB mode. I hope you ladies think that’s a good thing :D

Re: Cafeteria Catholics… Aren’t They Hungry?

The plain fact of the matter is that sin is no longer recognized as sin.

Many people who are ‘good’ are content to stay that way. How do you get past being content with being ‘good’ and realize that you need to be striving for the ‘best’? The ‘best’ has become ‘hard’ — ‘too hard’ to strive for. Our good friends mean well. They don’t mean to brush aside Church teaching as if it didn’t count for anything. The problem is that they don’t see the need to delve.

It is, in part, a generation thing. My grandmother, her siblings, and some of my mom’s cousins, are perfect examples. Many of them have stayed Catholic purely because their parents were. It was enough for them to live in the Faith that their parents died in. They didn’t question. They didn’t explore. They just lived. And particularly in the Filipino culture, the parent-child relationship was [and still can be] very different from parent-child relationships in America. The commandment “Honor your father and mother” was a commandment, not a suggestion. It still is.

But for a lot of kids, teens, and young[er] adults these days, that’s not enough.

Questions aren’t a bad thing at all. By all means, ask away!! Search for the Truth with your entire person, make it so that it becomes a part of your being, until you are so set in it that nothing less will suffice… You’re not dishonoring your parents by questioning their beliefs. But how many people make time to look for the answers? Furthermore, of the few people that actually do make time, how many look for the answers in the right places? For there are answers. And there are answers that are right, that have been right, that are right, and that always will be right and will never change.

“First, it must be remembered that the Church is always in advance of the world. That is why it is said to be behind the times. It discussed everything so long ago that people have forgotten the discussion.” ~ G.K. Chesterton

But again, it’s partly a generation thing. Because parents lived in times when it wasn’t the ‘thing’ to question, they don’t realize that their kids need more. They don’t recognize that their kids need a different kind of upbringing than their own, according to the times, and yes, the culture. This isn’t more of that whole shallow ‘relevance’ thing. Truth never changes, and that is what makes the Church ‘valid’ no matter what the century. But the message of Truth has been so watered down, dumbed down, in so many places. Is it really any wonder that kids have questions? I don’t blame them one bit. But geeeez, what happens between the ages of eight and eighteen? Mum shared with me something a priest said; a child of eight years old, preparing to receive the Most Holy Eucharist — you ask that kid if it’s ok to kill a baby, and they’ll say it’s murder. (Duhhh.) What happens to children between the ages of eight and eighteen, that at eighteen, all of a sudden, it’s ok to kill babies?

Evil is evil! Sin is sin! What the heck changes in these kids minds?

I get the feeling that some parents are afraid to tackle their kids’ questions. It makes me sad, oftentimes frustrated. Don’t they realize? If they don’t teach their kids, someone else will. But sometimes, parents don’t have the courage to delve into those matters that they simply weren’t well-versed in at young ages. So they leave it up to God, trusting in His mercy.

Heavens, I’m not saying I don’t believe in His mercy, in His grace, in His faithfulness! but a homily I heard at CSB struck my heart. Fr. put it this way — Say your little boy/girl at eighteen decides to move in with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend. You, the parent, do not agree with them. You think it’s wrong. You know the Church teaches something something about the Sanctity of Marriage. But you don’t say anything because you figure the kid won’t understand, and you just hope that one day they will. The kid more or less knows you don’t approve. What happens? The relationship deteriorates. The parent is afraid of talking to the child. The child, knowing the parent disapproves, becomes afraid to talk to the parent because they dread that their parent might bring it up at anytime. They don’t invite their parents over for Christmas dinner. Etc., etc., etc. The parent-child relationship is dead.

Whereas if the parent had spoken, what might have happened? What if they’d said something like, “It’s your life, your old enough to make your own decisions, but this is what we [your parents] believe, and here is why…” and then the relationship is not entirely broken. The parent is not afraid of their child. The child is not afraid of their parent imposing their beliefs on them, because they’ve already gotten their part out, and they’ve clearly stated that they’re not going to try and interfere. Maybe the kid will actually invite the parents over for Christmas dinner.

Maybe the kid won’t get it. But you know what? Your conscience is clear. And for all you know, years from then they might realize what you meant all along. You don’t know what you could do. Parents will say a lot of things kids don’t get then and there. But it’s a fact that sometimes, one day, they just might remember. And if they recognize the wisdom in your words, by God’s grace, they just might act on them! The point is, wouldn’t you rather have said it?

Generation ‘thing’ or no, it still comes down to the fact that sin is no longer recognized as sin. Because if it were truly recognized as what it is — and that is that it removes your soul from a state of grace and renders you in danger of eternal fire — then who would hesitate to tell people, anyone, their friends, their children, even kids telling their parents, “That’s wrong.”? Not because they want their kids to get the idea that there’s rules and Someone up there punishing us if we break them, no. That’s the wrong concept, too. But if you knew that someone close to you was about to do something that would put them in danger of eternal fire? Why on earth would you keep your mouth shut? How can you settle in complacency? How is settling in complacency loving?

Don’t go back to arguing, “Well, I don’t want to impose my beliefs; that’s not loving,” because you don’t need to impose. You just can’t afford to keep quiet either.

Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate with them:

- by participating directly and voluntarily in them;

- by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;

- by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;

- by protecting evildoers. (CCC #1868)

Notice the third one? Who has an obligation unto whom? Love your neighbor as yourself. Sound familiar? Do you love yourself enough to better yourself and strive for heaven? Do you love others enough to try and help them better themselves and strive for heaven also?

Jesus didn’t impose either; He simply taught Truth. He is Truth. So, granted, you shouldn’t go up to your best friend and start listing, “This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong… and you’re upholding all of them,” or something. Pray, discern, ask God to guide your words and to show you when and where He means for you to speak, but speak and do not be silent!!

When Silas and Timothy came down from Macedonia, Paul began to occupy himself totally with preaching the word, testifying to the Jews that the Messiah was Jesus. When they opposed him and reviled him, he shook out his garments and said to them, “Your blood be on your heads! I am clear of responsibility. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.” So he left there and went to a house belonging to a man named Titus Justus, a worshiper of God; his house was next to a synagogue. Crispus, the synagogue official, came to believe in the Lord along with his entire household, and many of the Corinthians who heard believed and were baptized. One night in a vision the Lord said to Paul, “Do not be afraid. Go on speaking, and do not be silent, for I am with you. No one will attack and harm you, for I have many people in this city.” (Acts 18:5 – 10, emphasis mine)

Backtracking a bit, when did Truth become ‘too hard’ to strive for? Here’s what I don’t get: Every Catholic is expected to believe — yes, expected, as in commanded, not “allowed” or “asked” or any other word that implies suggestion — that the Eucharist is Jesus Christ, that it Is His Flesh and His Blood. See CCC #1733 – 1737.

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself. (1 Cor 11:27 – 29, emphases mine)

So now, let me ask you something. If an 8 year old is supposed to believe this, is supposed to grasp that he/she is supposed to believe this even if all of his/her senses tell him/her otherwise, tell me, when did everything else become ‘too hard’? Don’t tell me the Eucharist is easy!! It’s the only recorded instance in the Bible where it says that disciples left Jesus because what He taught was ‘too hard’. So where did we suddenly get this need to make everything ‘relevant’, to water down, to dumb down, what Truth Is, to the point where the Truth gets lost in how we try and get the message out?

What about when people don’t know that there’s something more to be striving for? But how can they not? Does America look like paradise to you? because it looks completely saturated in the Culture of Death to me. Too many good people are content to stay ignorant of the issues that hit hard. Figures they strive to stay in a state of grace. But ignorance is the second greatest evil next to deliberate wickedness.

Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest. (CCC #1860, emphasis mine)

(Side note to myself — I find it funny that wordpress thinks ‘imputability’ is spelled wrong…)

Analogy — our family has reached the point where we’re not afraid to dig, we want to dig, because we know the answers are there. We’re like the kid who thinks he’s not incredibly hungry, but reaches for a bag of chips and finds, once he starts eating, that he’s actually very hungry and can’t stop. But many people we know are like the kid who is hungry for breakfast, but doesn’t want to stop playing, and so he stays upstairs and plays and plays and plays until he’s famished and it’s practically lunch time. And then he gets sick.

What do you do when you know people know that there are things they don’t understand about Church teaching — you’ve heard them say so themselves — but they’re content to leave it at that? They know there’s something missing, but they’re content with what they’ve got? Everything’s ‘too hard’ so don’t bother?

We’re all so used to what’s around us. We’re blind to evil. God help us! The devil is so good at what he does; he figures it’s dangerous for people to know there’s something missing, so he figures out a way to get us to the point where we don’t even realize that there’s anything lacking. Good is good, and fairly easy most of the time; who would want the best?

Souls are at stake here, people.

Aren’t they hungry?

There Will Be Tears (a.k.a. Yes, Aliens Have Arrived)

Oh I cried last night. And I’ll tell you straight out.

I didn’t cry for myself. I cried for all the babies.

And I’m crying again now.

The babies… the children… no, no, no, not blobs of nothing… but LIFE… murder…

Maybe I am angry at the lack of understanding of the core values of the Church, of the non-negotiables.

Maybe I am angry at all the lies that were told, and all the truths that were pushed aside.

Maybe I am bitter, disgusted…

But God is still God.

I am not angry at God. And I am not bitter towards Him. And I am not disgusted with what He has willed.

I am only thinking of what an amazing Kuya said… We Are The New Jerusalem.

Are we in exile, then? Does America need to hit bottom? Does America need Obama to teach us how much we need God, and how foolish we have been to turn our backs on Him? Is this Babylon? Is this Assyria? Maybe.

I’m not sad for myself. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m not growing anymore, but I think those who know me best will understand what I mean when I say — I weep for those who have to find themselves in these next four years. I weep for all the innocent children who go to school, and whose teachers have more influence over them than their own parents. I weep for the families who have fought so hard against the tide, fought to keep their families intact, fought to pass on that understanding of the sanctity of Life to their children. I weep for the unborn.

What is that prayer I learned while I was in AZ? “Jesus, Mary, Joseph, I love you very much. I beg you to spare the life of the unborn child that I have spiritually adopted who is in danger of abortion.” Think of all the children who will be spiritually adopted by the faithful in the next four years. Think of the numbers.

Can you imagine… FOCA… but no. Don’t go there.

Anti-Catholicism is still the only tolerated — accepted — prejudice today. Ready for the persecution? No, don’t tell me I’m overreacting. Persecution of the Church has never ceased, and you can’t suppose it won’t get worse these next four years? But it’s our road to heaven. For that, I am thankful.

Yes, yes, there’s still something to be thankful about, there always is. See? I’ve not gone off my rocker. I simply can’t unload everything I wish I could unload into this post.

But here. I will share with you one of the thoughts that I comfort myself with, and I hope you will, too, if you have need of comfort — Yes, Aliens Have Arrived.

You’re reading the words of one, now.

‘For in the sin of the first man, Adam, we were expelled from the homeland of paradise and sent into this world of exile, and thus we live in this middle earth as if we have no homeland here…’

I find it so easy to forget that this world is temporary. I find it so easy to forget that I don’t belong here. But I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, and I know I need to hammer that into myself. I think last night did that for me in a way that nothing else that has ever happened to me has done. Yes, I’m an alien. Silly, silly me, I don’t belong on this earth. I belong in Paradise.

How appropriate was our assigned reading last week in English class.

‘… our Lord has kindled for us many spiritual lanterns that we must light up for ourselves with heavenly piety and holy doctrine, so that no one will remain in darkness of heresy who wishes to see the light of truth. What are these lanterns that our Lord has given to us to enlighten the dimness of humankind’s infidelity? They are the patriarchs, the prophets, the apostles, the bishops, the priests, and the many other divine teachers of God’s church. And we have great need to observe the right doctrine and the holy examples and obey the holy gospel with fear and fasten it firmly in our hearts…

‘We cannot always have laughter… I well know that everyone desires to see true joy in middle earth. But it is not, was not, nor ever will be… we should seek true joy where it is… in Christ himself in… the kingdom of heaven… the Lord himself says… “In hoc mundo pressuram habebitis. Mundus hic gaudebit; vos autem tristes eritis, sed tristitia vestra convertitur in gaudium.” “You will have oppression in this middle earth, and middle earth will rejoice in this and you will be sad. But you will be free from sighing, for it will turn again for you into joy.” …

‘… we should be very thoughtful and very sorrowful as long as we are here in our efforts… so that we may again rejoice in the heavenly home of the celestial kingdom. Nor should we ever consider the labor and trouble here in the world too long, because it comes to an end. But the rewards never come to an end that are gilded for us on behalf of those troubles…

‘… while we are here living, let us ask the mercy of God, so that he might send us out thus in the love of eternal life that we might the more love the eternal homeland than this present life and always think the more about the life to come than about the one we lead here. These are the days of toil and labor as we ourselves may understand in the manifold torments that daily fall on human kind in tempests because of our deeds.’ ~ unknown homilist in Anglo-Saxon Spirituality by Robert Boenig

I also remember something Mrs. McIntyre told me about… The grandfather of a teen from their homeschooling group had died, and while I was in AZ, we went to the wake. Mrs. M told me afterwards what the grandmother had said… that she knew that that day, she was blessed. Blessed. Isn’t that beautiful? Blessed in her sorrow, in her grief, in her loss, but by heaven, she was blessed.

There will be tears… but — and this makes me smile — we are blessed. We are blessed with this cross.

Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

God bless the faithful. And God help America.