December… and Day 89

For the last three weeks, I’ve been debating if I should bother posting about December. I’ve got a draft on week 22, but I stopped trying to blog on the 18th, mostly because I wasn’t in the mood once I got home from work in the days that followed. The truth is, the stress of the past month did eventually outweigh the fun of it all. If I were to write, I might begin positively, but I suspect it would slowly turn into a rant, an outpouring of exasperation that is more suited to the privacy of my journal or catch-up with sisters and Kuyas, some of which has already occurred this past week.

In my last work post, I said we’d either end up hating each other or come out stronger for it. As we passed into 2012, it seemed as if it might have been the former. I’ve said I don’t live life by either birthdays or new years, but my new year’s eve was rather bitter for the last few hours before I finally made it to my bed, and I was more than slightly apprehensive walking into day 89 yesterday.

Suffice to say that yesterday was comfortable in general and bemusing here and there; overall it was enjoyable and I am satisfied that we’re all ok.

There is one brief conversation which took place and which I think worth documenting for future amusement…

Jared: Ais, were you even alive when Space Jam came out? ’94?
me: … Really, Jared? How old do you think I am?
Jared: I dunno, nineteen. Eighteen.

I didn’t respond immediately. I was trying to decide how to take it. On the one hand, to have graduated with an Associate’s and supposed to be but eighteen is incredibly amusing and the slightest bit flattering. I’m 110% sure that Jared didn’t mean it that way, of course, but I enjoy amusing myself by deliberately taking things the way I know they’re not intended. And of course, on the other hand, I could be the typical three-months-away-from-21-year-old who is offended and disturbed by apparently not looking her age. Eh. I could really care less. If I don’t look my age now, I can hope to be mistaken as my daughter’s sister one day, as Mother is often mistaken as mine =) and Mama’s been mistaken as my mother, obviously not because I look so old, but because she also looks so young.

So here is week 22, for what it’s worth. 2012 continues =)

12/13 23:05 ~ 8.something hrs

Oooooo I’m madddddd. Ok, not really. But this will become a rant in a little bit.

I was still feeling a bit shy and slightly miffed from Saturday, so I kept my head down as I came in and tried to stay small. I was greeted loudly, as Jared has taken to doing lately, and his response to my very quietly returned how-are-you was, “Say hi to Ricky Bobby.”

It turned out that Sam wasn’t coming in and I’d be working pastry and garde. I didn’t mind the actual work at all, but I was a bit sad that Sam wasn’t coming in, if for no reason other than to have someone to chit-chat with during prep. Steve was in to prep with us today, and it did sort of make up for Sam not being there. Steve’s an equally enjoyable person to be prepping with, if not more so.

I did think that things were going ok. JRod checked my prep list, advised as to the order of prep, kept my mousse base warm, watched my bean spread, didn’t care if I prepped the apple relish upstairs or downstairs, approved my amuse, obligingly satisfied my curiosity as to schedule and menu items etc. etc. Rob said he was a bully for telling me that Rob had actually done the bean spread-watching when Rob hadn’t done anything of the sort, and so the night wore on. We ate leftover sliders, went over dessert counts, knocked out a few tickets… And then all of a sudden, out of the blue, an incident occurred which I commented on, my only intention being to clear another of potentially being wrongly blamed, and Jared goes, “Great, Jared was wrong, write it down, woohoo.” It was insufferable. It’s already been established that I can neither compliment nor tease Jared safely. I should just stop talking completely. I really couldn’t leave it alone. I was miffed and I protested that I hadn’t meant it like that at all. I couldn’t tell if he believed me.

Ooooo I need Kuya-time. Specifically with Brad. I can’t talk to Stevo about it because he’ll say I’m worrying too much and over-thinking it, and I can’t go to another girl because all we’ll end up doing is commiserating over how maddening people can be sometimes. *sigh* I just need to talk the past five months over with Brad, partly because I’ve begun to see Jared more and more similarly to how I see Brad; with great respect and admiration, nearing complete trust, and more recently with sincere concern. He says I’ll drive him crazy, but he drives me nuts sometimes; I just can’t keep up. Kuya will probably tell me not to worry about it in the end, but not before he’s spent a decent amount of time hearing me out, hashing and mulling things over, and humoring me with countless psychological insights and a bunch of random stories.

Anyway, Jared left early. It couldn’t have been 7:30 yet. Not too long before he left, Rob and I were directed to work together to clean up downstairs. “We’ll break down one box at a time… It wasn’t that funny, Ais.” I was cracking up at the thought of us breaking down a single box at a time and waiting for each other to catch up before breaking down another. He left with half the stack of boxes, and I thought he wasn’t coming back. He didn’t, but he did come and open the door for me when I brought out my half of the stack, directing me to bring it down to the recycling bin. He must have gone back for whatever was left, because he came out with more boxes and opened the bin for me. He was talking, but I wasn’t paying any attention whatsoever, because Bang was creeping up behind Rob and I was just waiting for it to happen…

“HOLY S-! WHAT THE F-?” Bang had grabbed Rob’s calf in the dark. I lost it. “I DON’T LIKE YOU ANYMORE, AIS!!” echoed in the alley behind me. “Y’alright, my dude?” Bang asked Rob later, after Jared was gone and Rob and I were waiting for things to be picked up. “I should have known something was going on, Ais just stopped talking…” I lost it again.

Too much fun, too much fun.

I got to know Rob a little better today… We talked a bit more about the New Translation, which led to things about high school and college, both of us having four siblings, Rob being the middle of five boys, all two years apart, Christmas plans, parishes… and he went through a couple things on middle and saute with me. He was also telling me about what he learned – or rather, what he didn’t learn – in Cost Control today, and I thought we were generally less sarcastic with each other than usual.

12/16 00:49 ~ 10.something hrs

a) I just got home not too long ago, b) I’m hungry, c) I’m eating dinner, d) I should probably be sleeping, e) I can’t sleep, f) I’m texting with Bradley, g) I feel like watching a movie, h) I’ll blog some other time.

12/18 19:19 39.something hrs total

me: … Yes, sir. I mean, I mean! Sorry! Sorry, Jared! Yes, Jared.
Jared: *groan* It’s like a double negative.
me: Wait… what? Double negative how? I don’t get it…
Jared: ‘Cause I don’t like ‘sir’ and I don’t like ‘sorry’!

He’s been texting “ma’am,” I suppose to get back at me for my “sir”s, but the problem is that I don’t mind in the slightest. Fail on his part.

Since the end of the quarter, I’ve been feeling more and more at home at work. I’ve begun leaving my things there… my knife kit, my hat(s)… I’ve kicked myself a couple times for putting my smaller tools in dish on accident instead of putting them back in my bag, but they’ve always made it back to me somehow – Bang knows which melon ballers are mine, it would seem – and I don’t worry by any means.

Jared gave me Wednesday off, which was completely unexpected. He was mildly amused by the fact that I didn’t know what to do with myself at first. “So do nothing for a change.” “I… can’t… do that…” I ended up spending roughly six hours with Michelle, so it was a very productive unexpected day off, but I just blanked when Jared said I could take the day off. I was telling Mother last week – I haven’t really been keeping up with my laundry because all I plan on wearing all week are my chef stuffs, and then Sunday comes and I take forever to pick out something to wear because my mind just isn’t out of uniform yet.

I’d left my knife kit on Tuesday and when I came in Wednesday, I wasted a full ten minutes hunting for it before dubiously inquiring of Jared as to its whereabouts. He was grinning to himself even before I’d gotten the first half of the question out, and answered very cheerily that he’d maybe put it on the very top shelf. Of course. I looked up and there it was, with the strap hanging down which ought to have caught my eye… if I’d been just half a foot taller. I had to stand on two milk crates to get it down. I enjoyed the whole joke immensely, which did not seem to register with Jared. “Thank you, Jared!” “I don’t know why you’re thanking me.”

Thursday was a bit strange. It started out alright, Jared was all cheery and whatnot, smiling and joking and so on and so forth, and then halfway through the night, his cheer just dropped. It literally disappeared within the space of two minutes, and then he just seemed plain tired. Jared’s mood is almost always infectious. If he’s not really in a decent mood, no one else seems to be either. I’m going to leave Thursday alone.

Friday and Saturday were considerably better, and Saturday was even less harried, I think, for all of us, than Friday. Saturday went so smoothly; seriously, I thought it couldn’t get any better… and then I got goodnight hugs from Anna, Amanda, Chris, and Rob. That practically deserves exclamation points, but it’s not a jumpy happy dance sort of happy, it’s a deep and sincere sense of peace and contentment. From the first three, it was just routine – routine that I don’t take for granted by any means, but to which I’ve become entirely accustomed – but that last hug from Rob was something else. As I’ve said, I’m most sarcastic and bicker most with Rob, and I feel that it’s all in good fun, but I’ve been unsure as to whether or not the same could be said on his part. That he was gracious enough to give me a goodbye hug seemed a good enough assurance of our mutual goodwill in spite of all our bickering.

Greg said something after hours which bothered me slightly. He was telling us that he’d asked Jason where Jason likes to hang out with his friends, to which Jason had apparently replied that he hadn’t any friends to be hanging out with. It occurred to me then that Jason does have a tendency to slip out even more quietly than Jared sometimes, especially on Saturdays, and I’ve seen Rob and Steve and Chris and sometimes Zach hanging around with each other, but not Jason.